So friends — I apologize for it being such a long time! But I wanted to talk about something that women DON'T do that our advertising friends are convinced that we DO!

sO...You know what we DON'T do? We DON'T get real about toilet paper!!!!!

WTF!!! What's up with all of these toilet paper commericials and women having sister circles to discuss how it feels to wipe their booties!? Again, media is pedagogy- which basically means that everything that we experience and see related to the media... it's teaching us something about ourselves and our surroundings.

Usually I would give you an intense history lesson here -- but after my 1.5 hours of research- it basically came down to the fact that since women were homemakers and were making many of the purchasing decisions in the home- toilet paper became more advertised to women without actually anyone REALLY talking about what it's used for (sorta like pads/tampons- but I'll write about that later!).

The first products designed specifically to wipe one’s nethers were aloe-infused sheets of manila hemp dispensed from Kleenex-like boxes. They were invented in 1857 by a New York entrepreneur named Joseph Gayetty, who claimed his sheets prevented hemorrhoids. Gayetty was so proud of his therapeutic bathroom paper that he had his name printed on each sheet. But his success was limited (Toilet Paper Encyclopedia, 2008).
Americans soon grew accustomed to wiping with the Sears Roebuck catalog, and they saw no need to spend money on something that came in the mail for free.

From the 1890s to the 1990s, women played the starring role in America's drama of consumption. Since before the turn of the century, Mrs. Consumer made 85% of household purchases. Soon, after years and years of convincing and mass manufacturing- Americans became accustomed to wiping with toilet paper. Shortly after, American advertisers have been wrestling with the best way to promote the sales of toilet paper They have longed to convey that the product is soft yet strong without saying anything specific about what the product does (Iamsurly,2011).

Not that I have a problem with us buying toilet paper- my problem is the ads. They are so stupid and so tacky- such as my favorite:



GOLLY GEE!
Um... why are we squeezing the toilet paper? Why are we standing in the middle of the aisle discussing why the toilet paper so "irresistably" soft? Yeah- I'm going to say this is something I have ever done with a girlfriend.

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 So.... like many people I watch talk shows (when I have time!!!) and I may be late- but I came home today to Tyra's teen sex summit. Like many talk shows- there's always a shocking show about the wild and crazy things that teens do and how we as young people don't think when it comes to sex... and here we have Tyra doing the same thing as other talk show hosts. The thing that bothers me the most about this show was an all out confessional about things that 7 girls had done sexually. Some of the answers were shocking, some of them just made plain dumb decisions, but the most common denominator is that all of the girls had low self-esteem and the worst part is the show offered no resources, no education, and in my opinion- very punitive.

The whole show was basically a gawking contest for the most "deviant" sexual acts and what I found the most horrifying was the fact that there was no intervention to discuss what having unprotected sex can have, what occurs when you continue to have sex at the expense of your self esteem and the satisfaction of others, the risks of having tons of sex partners, etc.... these things were never addressed!


I don't appreciate that such a young and hip host such as Tyra Banks with a show that reaches so many people, particularly young people, doesn't provide practical ways to educate young women about sex and how to overcome the use of sex to overcome a low self- esteem or a void, There were no empowerment exercises, there was no discussion about resources in the community to help women dealing with low self-esteem, no alternatives given, and you know what? there were no example of women who were really OWNING their sexuality and doing it in a safe and fulfilling way. What especially sucks- at the the end of the show... the girls were apologizing to their MOMS for their sexual acts! they didn't get why they were there to talk about their sexcapades- this was clearly only for shock value- not helping.

                   (Thanks Psychologist lady for clearing all this up! You just cured me!!!)

What are your thoughts? I'm sorry for bashing Tyra- but I'm tired of these shows showcasing women's sexuality as something depraved, but especially showcasing women's sexuality just for ratings when clearly these women all have voids and are suffering from lack of empowerment. 




And if you're interested in some resources established for the empowerment of women... check out: http://www.undp.org/women/resources.shtml

I hate to be a Debbie Downer and not a Penny Positive today- but sheesh! too many  things are blowing my mind today! Like one of the members of the Jersey Shore said- I need a mind condom because things are mentally f-ing with me!! So today, on this lovely snow day- I was watching the Tyra Show... and although I love Tyra, sometimes her topics can be "eh." So as I was trying to change the channel I noticed the topic of teen dating violence. I know what you're saying...this happens, we know about Rihanna and Chris Brown, people are becoming aware...but what shocked me the most was the "ignorance' of the young women in the audience related to their meanings and their viewpoints of dating violence.



During the show, Tyra showed small vignettes portraying various forms of abuse- physical, mental, and verbal abuse. When she called on young women in the audience to ask them if what they saw in the vignettes were abuse.... many of them just responded with a shrug of the shoulders and said "well people fight all the time- that's not abuse". It was only until the boy was shown to slap the girl in the face that audience members really called what they saw abuse.... my mouth DROPPED. 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The first vignette showed the boy grabbing the girl's arm and screaming at her for not having her cell phone- and many more scenarios- check it out for yourself:

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So, while I was reading the news today- I can across this video discussing the forced sterilization of HIV-positive women in CHILE... my only reaction is what is the world coming to and how does this keep happening? And why does this keep happening to women of color and "marginalized" women?

To give you some background - Forced sterilization is the process of permanently ending someone's ability to reproduce without his or her consent (webster.edu). Forced sterilization has been going on for many years- even in the United States (land of the free huh?)...

In Nazi Germany four 400,000 men and women were forcibly sterilized. In Sweden 63,000 people, mostly women, were sterilized. Over 800,000 men and women in Japan as well as 11,000 women from Finland were also sterilized without consent. These have all happened in the recent past. However, Australia's figures are astounding because there have been over one thousand cases since 1992 (Yamaguchi, 1997). The United States had a eugenics program that was meant to perfect the gene pool with the elimination of mental illness, homelessness, and crime. Current day, many countries use forced sterilizations on  poor and illiterate communities to control their reproduction of so called degenerates of society. 
The thing that blows my mind is the lack of prosecution of medical professionals who perform this technique without regard for patient rights and the lack laws that support patient rights....


To read up more on what's happening in regard to forced sterilization in PRESENT DAY Chile: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/01/hivpositive-chilean-mothe_n_790663.html

More info for sterilization around the world...
http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/forcedsterilization.html

So, as an observer of the lovely media and media portrayals of women- I'm deciding to write or rather vent about it. In one of my classes, my teacher told me that media is pedagogy- which means that media is put in place to teach us something. Media has such an overarching effect  and is powerful in that it reaches so many people and teaches us about trends. Media also has the effect/influence/power of setting forth stereotypes and images to help us learn about the characteristics of certains groups. So! as a result I decided to create a blog about the media images that are set forth about women and how some of the aren't true! It's going to be called "the things that women don't do". Every week, we'll discuss our thoughts on what's presented and feel free to add!

The Things Women Don't Do #1:

Go absoloutely
totally
utterly
extremely
entirely
completely
NUTS..........

Don't get me wrong, Chocolate is great, it has "healthy" properties and just plain tasty- but commercials have us oozing in our pants, starting riots, running down the streets, caressing it in our mouths, and dancing with it in commercials:

MySistahs! How are we doing?!!

Well, it's another week to decrease the drama in our lives and what better way to do this than to be alert of the relationship red flags in our lives!

Red Flag # 12: When your family and friends do NOT like the person at all! (This is from my sistah Mahayana!)

Red Flag #13: Every time you talk to your significant other, it's nothing but an aggravating experience. They never sympathize, never compassionate, never on your side!

Red Flag #14: All you do is have sex.... (friends.... this is NOT a relationship)

Red Flag #15: You never fully talk about your problems, you just always end up having makeup sex and the problem is never solved! (my advice: when you have a problem and you haven't spoken about it in a couple of days, meet the person outside in a public setting- not in your home or private area- and get everything out on the table. The public setting will help you avoid the make-up-without-talking-about-the-problem-sex)

Red Flag #16: The other person outright asks you to date other people- not as a form of relationship exploration, but because they want to date other people and want to find any excuse to break up with you (This is from Kris B.)

If you have anymore! post em!!!

To another Drama free week- your sistah!

Vanessa

I watched this awesome documentary on Netflix and I wanted to share. This documentary, All of Us, discusses why the HIV/AIDS rates is higher among African American women. I found it particularly intriguing because not only does Dr. Mehret look at HIV on all fronts, but she also follows 2 women with HIV and their experiences.

What I found to be the best thing about this documentary is how real it was in asking the questions- why do African American women make up only 6% of the population but accound for 68% of the HIV cases?

One issue in particular, which I found interesting and something I've talked about in a past blog, is the lack of power in our relationships. Dr. Mehret explored issues of how violence can put a woman at more risk for the disease because they lack the voice and power to control the relationship. When we lack the power to speak up in our relationships and the power to negotiate condom use, we are put at higher risk because we left sexual decision making and contraception in the hands of our partners. Why is this?

The thing that I took away was, setting boundaries, speaking up, and putting ourselves first in relationship are very important factors when it comes to our sexual health. Many times, as shown in the documentary, we really want to please the other person (which is natural), but sometimes we do it at the cost of our health. Mysistahs, let's put ourselves first and let's empower and encourage one another to know that we deserve nothing but mutal respect and decision making in our relationships.

Here are 2 trailers I found detailing the documentary, check it out!

So, the other night I was doing some research on condom access and I found this interesting page called CureCVS, which is a website dedicated to the many injustices and violations that CVS is committing. One of their major topics talked about on the site was unequal access of condoms in what?! in who?! yeah you know it- Communities of Color!

TA DA! Are you surprised???

Well, I'd have to say, I was sorta surprised. The website conducted studies in CVS stores in 6 major cities where there were a higher proportion of people of color in the communities compared to communities where there was predominantly white residents and found that "In all six cities, CVS locks up condoms in at least half of all stores in areas with the highest concentrations of people of color. In Houston, Philadelphia and New York City, not a single store in the “whitest” zip codes lock up condoms" (Curecvsnow.com).


I don't know how you feel about the subject, but I find it preposterous that in communities of color, where it's shown that they are disproportionately affected by HIV and STIs, that you would pose a barrier for people to access condoms. CVS claims that they lock up the condoms for anti-theft measures, but their other pharmacy competitors have corporate policies in place to ensure that condoms, which are one of the NECESSARY measures to protection, are not locked up!!!

If you're not convinced, let's look at how HIV and STIs affect mysistahs the most:

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Interesting picture we have here huh? Yes, it is a dog sitting on a cat's head...  this was a concept that I always thought about referring to time wasting relationships- but at the Bacchus and Gamma conference listening to David Coleman (the real like Hitch) talk about relationships and he nicely illustrasted with this picture, my inner most thoughts this weekend!!!!

To me, this picture symbolize how we as women often let people who don't matter into our space. We are constantly losing our power to men.... and for WHAT?

I've shared many intimate conversations with friends losing their damn minds over men, especially men who aren't bringing anything to the table! When I say losing minds, I mean not eating, stop socializing, not giving others a chance, walking around depressed for weeks on end, and most of- constantly contacting said person not bringing anything to the table.

When we as women continue to let men who do nothing special for us but provide frustration, tears and aggravation- we're basically becoming this cat. We continue to let these people invade our space to the point we become blind and to the point they begin to literally squeeze the life out of us (like the dog is doing here).

I think the most aggravating part of the situation of continuing to let these types of people into our precious space is that they are NOT THINKING about us at all. We are sitting our rooms, lights off with the biggest tub of ice cream and brownies soothing our souls and getting angered and hurt by the unanswered text messages and phone calls- and you know what-- they are most like having the time of their lives and not spending five minutes thinking about you....

This is not to put my sistahs down- but ladies, we are too precious, too good looking, and we have TOO MUCH to offer to be waiting around for someone who's never going to change, someone who was never worth it from the starts, someone we just plain settled for, and someone who is "crushing our heads"!

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So, I got some good feedback on the red flags and so we're continuing with a second week friends! This is to help eliminate the drama that comes with relationships and help make life and relationships so much more manageable! If you have any good ones -- please add them on here -- we're just trying to decrease the DRAMA!

Relationship Red Flags:

#8: when you ask the new guy on your first date if his engagement with previous girl/boyfriend fell through because he cheated, and they say any of the following:

1) "Not really. I didn't really cheat on her/him a lot".
2) "I have no idea, I hadn't cheated on her recently"
3) "You know how them hoes be?"

#9: When the ex is just SHOWING up where ever you guys are having a date.... seriously it's just time to let this go because the ex is clearly crazy and not over it AND how the heck does this person know where you guys are at all the time??? GLARING RED FLAG

#10: When it's been a year and you still haven't met any of the important members of the family!!! (this is from mysistah, Jasmine)

#11: You just stare at the person and think...... UGH. what the heck was I thinking....
At this point- IT'S TIME TO ROLL!

Feel free to add some more friends- in the meantime- NO MORE DRAMA!