Friday, April 16, 2010, was the Day of Silence.

This was the fourth year that I participated in the Day of Silence and even though the struggle of being silent was nothing new, I feel that every year I take away something new.

This year, I took the most pride in seeing that a majority of the participants in the Day of Silence were underclassmen.  While I think everyone should have participated, it really made me feel great knowing that while I'm a graduating senior, there are people in my school that will continue to support our Gay Straight Alliance, and that are willing to stand up for the rights and safety of all LGBTQ students and their allies. 

But, of course, the greatest part of the day was our Chicagoland Night of Noise.  I work with the Illinois Safe Schools Alliance (www.illinoissafeschools.org) that plans the NoN here in Chicago, and I was lucky enough to be able to emcee the rally.  We had a great turnout, once again, and everyone had a lot of fun.  Since I'm graduating, it was my last year helping to plan and emcee the NoN.  Although, this is sad to some extent, it gives me hope because I know that all the new members of our youth committee will get to have the same and even greater experiences than I did at the Alliance.

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After reading nessaroe's blog "Fag-Hags and Other StraightGay Conundrums" (www.amplifyyourvoice.org/u/nessarose/2010/1/20/Fag-Hags-and-Other-StraightGay-Conundrums) I was inspired to write about my own personal experiences as a "fag-hag" so to speak.

In my years of LGBTQ advocacy (I'll be honest I'm a newbie, it's been three years), I have adopted the title of fag-hag.  For a majority of the time I identified as a straigh cissexual female and when my gay friends or fellow advocates would hear that they would automatically revert to me as a fag-hag.  Many of them could not phathom that I commit so much of my time to LGBTQ activism if I didn't identify specifically under the queer spectrum.  It didn't help very much that I have short hair and dress fairly "butch" so people automatically just assumed I was a lesbian and more often than not would get angry and upset that I wasn't (But that's another story).  So to satisfy themselves more so than me people would call me a fag hag because I needed some title in order to belong to the community.

Though they gave me this title with great reason: my closest friends are gay men, actually all of my male identifying friends are gay.  But what does that title really mean for me?  I admit the first time I met one of closest gay friends, I had the hugest crush on him, but after I figured out he was gay, the idea was the furthest in my mind.  I don't really understand this apparently large culture of women and fag-hags that seek out to get gay men.  For me, it's completely disrespectful and illogical.  It completely undermines these mens' identities.  Granted just because you identify a certain way doesn't mean you're trapped in that identity for the rest of your life, but it's ignorant to challenge how a person is.  There is no magical lever that switches people between gay or straight or bi or transgender for that matter.  You can't just convince someone that they aren't or are gay or straight (trust me I've encountered a fair number of people that still try to convince me that I'm a lesbian or this or that, my identity is my own and no one can convince me otherwise).

Yet after all this people still ask me why I surround myself with gay men and am a fag hag.  The closest answer I have come up with is completely sexist and doesn't give non-queer identifying men any credit.  So I apologize in advance.  The reason I have come up with is that I feel safer around my gay friends than around straight guys.  I know that my gay friends won't neccessarily try to make a pass at me or make me feel too uncomfortable.  In my mind they won't objectify me or judge the way I look like a straigh guy would.  But, again I come up against a roadblock in this justification.  Just because you're a gay man it doesn't mean that you won't objectify a woman, make her feel uncomfortable, or make comments that make her self conscious.  Attributing these characteristics to only gay men would be extremely ignorant of me as well because having respect for others personal space and comfortability level is a human trait that anyone can have.

This is what I've figured so far, what does everyone else think?

Definition - As used in this policy, discrimination means unlawful discrimination on the basis of any classifications protected by the Constitution of the United States, the Constitution of the State of Illinois and applicable federal, state or local laws or ordinances, including but not limited to discrimination on the basis of race, color, sex, gender identity/expression, age, religion, disability, national origin or sexual orientation or maintaining facially neutral policies, practices, or requirements that have a negative
effect on employment or academic opportunities of protected groups without a legitimate nondiscriminatory reason. Acts of verbal, nonverbal, or physical aggression, intimidation, or hostility based on sex, but not involving conduct of a sexual nature, may constitute a form of sex discrimination.

 Beginning March 1, 2010, the following statement will be used in any and all new publications directed to students, parents, employees or applicants: “It is the policy of the Board to prohibit unlawful discrimination on the basis of any classifications protected by the Constitution of the United States, the Constitution of the State of Illinois and applicable federal, state or local laws or ordinances, including but not limited to discrimination on the basis of race, color, sex, gender identity/expression, age, religion, disability, national origin or sexual orientation.

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First off, Eid Mubarak everyone.

Today marks a special day in my culture, but I wonder if my assimilation to American culture has decreased my appreciation for today.

I'm writing today because it is a special day for my family and I, as well as for any other people raised in a Muslim home or practicing Islam. 

However, whenever Eid roles around, I tend to have some apprehentions.  I've lived in North America for 16 of the 17 years of my life.  My family first came to Canada as refugees from Bosnia and Hercegovina in the early-mid '90s.  No matter how hard my parents tried to keep the Bosnian culture instilled in myself and my sister, assimilation was bound to occur. 

As I've grown and matured, my relationship to my culture and religion has changed.  I've become more of an American teenager than a  Bosnian or Muslim teenager.  Even though I completely appreciate my place in American society I wonder if this has resulted in my abandonement of my heritage.

I've tried for years to hold on to speaking the Bosnian language but in going to school here, I have to speak English 24/7.  My proficiency frankly sucks.  This creates not only a distance with my culture but also with my family.  And nothing reminds me more of the fact that I'm not a true Bosnian or a true Muslim than a religious holiday.

The thing that worries me the most is passing on tradition to future generations.  Will my children or grandchildren speak Bosnian? Will they even know what Eid is and why it is so important to their grandparents or great grandparents?

But nonetheless I feel prideful today.  Despite growing up in a foreign country I still can hold on to some vague notions of my culture and where I'm from.  I'm proud of my heritage.  I'm proud of being raised Muslim even if I don't practice it today.  And most importantly I'm proud that my parents have fought so hard for so many years to make sure that I understand why today matters.

Bajram Mubarak, Eid Mubarak, and have a good Sunday everyone.