Today is a great day to get tested.  I know it is scary, every time I get tested I hold my breath and think about do I have anything was there something I did that I could have caught something.  But after finding out my results I am relieved.  So today is as good as any to go find your local testing center and get tested.

Here are a few testing sites for those near the City of San Diego.

- Family Health Services
- City Heights 
- Across the Street form City College Trolley Station
- In North Park near 30th and Polk
- SDSU Student Health Services
- The Center in Hillcrest
- On Vermont and University on Thursdays from 6-9pm

I hope that you take the time to figure out your status.  

Rikki

Yesterday, on Netflix, I watched a documentary called The Butch Factor.  It is a documentary were it flows through the many different subcultures of the gay community, everything from circuit culture to bear culture to drag culture.   I don't want to go into much detail.  But the point of the documentary was to see how different individuals in the gay community construct their masculinity, and how the greater culture and straight men also do so.   I thought it was interesting, I think it is a good watch, and just wanted to share it with you all.

Rikki

California might be passing a legislation that requires those performing in adult films to wear condoms! Oh no, bareback will no longer be so bare anymore, what will we do? If this passes, a huge portion of porn will be outlawed! You might have to get some of your favorites from the black market. This isn’t just a California thing, some porn conventions are prohibiting porn that depicts sex without condoms from being sold at the convention. The reason for this legislation is to keep those 1000’s of people in the porn industry of California safe.

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Have you ever signed up for a gay website, in hopes of meeting a cute guy with some common interest? I have… Websites like gays.com, downlink, justguys, they are all the same! I guess they are great if you just wanna do the deed and move on. Not once did I meet a quality guy. Most of the guys who approached me through email or winks only wanted to see a picture of my penis and only offered pictures of their penis.

Why do I want to see your junk right away??? I mean, yea I might be a little interested, but it is a big turn off to meet a guy whose profile picture is just his cock and nothing else.

For the most part all penises look the same. I need a face, guys. Or a personality would be cool too.  I feel like my generation has taking the connecting part out of flirting.

Most gay social sites seem to be a place to hook up. Literally, I came across many profiles that said no inhibitions, five emails or less or don’t bother.  So much for getting to know each other. Other people would ask for my number. I learned very quickly not to give out my number or I would be bombarded by sex-text and nude shots and then they would demand that I follow suit and send my junk through the virtual web into their mail box.

I do understand the appeal of these websites. There is less risk and a wider selection to choose from, but I feel like you are giving up the ability to get to know someone face to face.

Whatever method you choose to meet people, online, in person, on craigslist, please remember to be safe. Let a friend know where you are. Meet in a public place, if it is your first face to face meeting with a new person. Bring protection if you are intending to participate in sexual intercourse of any nature. The rule is, if your pants are at your ankles it’s a safe idea to pull out a condom. Don’t be afraid to say no and have a way out of the situation if need be.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, irrespective of their sexual orientation or their gender. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, and sexual.

• Physical abuse is often the easiest to recognize. If your partner hits you with their own  limbs or other objects, habitually, I would consider this physical abuse. You never have  a reason to hit someone that you “love.”  Do not ever think it was your fault if they hit you.
• Sexual abuse is a form of physical abuse. Forcing you to do sexual acts or hurting you while engaged in sexual acts is abuse. Demanding sexual acts is also abuse. Remember, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, request to stop. If your partner is unresponsive, this could be a sign of abuse. Consent given or not, sexual abuse can happen.
• Emotional abuse can be more subtle, but not always. Name calling, even joking, can have long lasting effects on someone’s personality. No one likes to be humiliated.
• Intimidation can either be physical or emotional abuse, or both. Intimidation can be manifested in threats, gestures, and actions that stimulate fear in a person. You should not be afraid of the person you are involved with.
• Financial abuse is controlling the finances and tracking what money is spent, only allowing the other person to spend a fixed amount of money.

Domestic violence is not always easy to see, especially if you are the victim. A warning sign might be if you notice that you are becoming more and more isolated from your family and friends and that your partner is becoming more and more possessive. Try bringing up needing to see your family, if your partner over reacts, you might want to evaluate your relationship.

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This is a really interesting article. I just wanted to post it so people can read it and share my comments. 

I don't know what to think really. I mean if the case is that he really was suppose to relinquish his rights as a parent, I feel he should follow through.

But I guest precedence for women is, they are able to change their mind about giving up their baby up till they day they hand over the baby to the adopting parents. 

I am torn...
Oh well, read the article for yourself [after the jump], here is the website I got the article from:
http://www.edgeunitedstates.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=101005

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2010 Survey for People Living with HIV/AIDS

This confidential survey is meant to provide individuals living with HIV/AIDS who reside in San Diego County with an opportunity to make their voices heard and provide input into the way services are delivered in San Diego County. Surveys are available both online and in hard copy, with both English and Spanish versions available. Paper copies are available in The Center’s lobby. The online survey can be found at the following sites:
 
English Version: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/sdplanning
Spanish Version: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/sdplanningspanish

Hey guys, I saw this and was just passing it on. Maybe it will reach someone who can take the survey.

It is easy to honk... I feel like a lot of people don't get it.
The chances of the Prop 8 being over turned by the Supreme Court are close to 0 if the Supreme Court does it's job correctly. 

My interpretation of the Supreme Court's duty is to uphold the will of the people. Unfortunately the people said no to gay marriage...

I would be happy to be wrong, but I don't think I am wrong.

Many organization's such as EQCA, have been contacting me to phone bank and canvas but I feel like they are doing the same old things, I don't see a difference what they are doing now and what they were doing prior to the election.

I guess I can't complain too much, I don't have any super amazing ideas myself.

I am volunteering to phone bank next Tuesday. I wonder if I'll change anyones mind.

 Not even 10 days into the New Year and I have already heard about three different instances involving violence against someone whom was perceived to be homosexual. I just kept thinking wow, and I can’t believe that happened to someone. I hate to say it but this is a big reason why I am scared to hold my boyfriends hand in public.

I am scared to death, sometimes, that I might offend someone enough that they would want to harm me. The funny thing is I am the least offensive most keep to yourself guy ever!!!! But I feel like I wear a big sign that says, “Hey I am a HOMO!”

I’m sorry Lindsay that you got stabbed in the eye.
I’m sorry Chris that you got beat up.
I am sorry for anyone who has been physically or emotionally hurt by another person because of their sexual orientation or because their perceived sexual orientation.

We need to all learn to respect each other. That includes all people. Maybe I don’t agree with someone, so what agree to disagree. Co-exist. If someone rubs you the wrong way, disengage. What good does it do to engage and possibly get hurt? I know it’s hard and it doesn’t feel good when someone hurts you and I know you want to retaliate but think, is it worth being hurt or possibility killed?

I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I just was saddened by the fact that people have to endure bullying. All people irrespective of the sexual orientation need to know they are worth something and that it is important to surround yourself around people who build you up, and if you can stand up to those who bully others by using your words.

For Example:

Bully: Hey Faggot, how’s your boyfriend?

Victim: I’m not gay…

You : Hey (Bully’s Name) don’t call him a faggot, it’s not cool.

Let’s go (Victim’s Name)

Sorry my example is kind of weak but you get the point.

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER< EVEN IF YOU ALL DON’T AGGREE!!!!! 
World peace isn't too much to ask for... =/

When I was in high school, slightly before I came to realize that I was a homosexual, I started to develop a crush on my best friend. I would stay up late wondering how it would feel to have our lips touch... You can use your imagination. The crush was consuming. I wanted to hang out with him every day. I'd always find reasons for him to spend the night or a reason to spend the night at his house. I was spending a lot of energy trying to find out how he felt about homosexuals and how he would feel if a guy liked him. I remember one night when he was spending the night; I asked him once how he would feel if I liked him. He told me, "That's fine but I'm not gay, Rikki". He then said, "Rikki, you're not gay, you like girls, how could you not like girls they have curves".

Since that night, I tried to act straight in hopes that my best friend would not notice I was gay and would forget about that night when I confessed. I focused on not finding reasons to like my best friend. I realized that he would never have romantic feelings for me and I respected that. Not everyone is gay, which is fine.

I started to seek out other identifying gay males. I figured it was useless chasing straight guys. I was able to meet guys who would be more likely to respond how I wanted them to.

I just wanted you to all know that if you have a crush on some guy and if you feel comfortable, let him know, you never know how they will react. But, if he expresses that he does not like you or will never like you because you are not his type, gender wise, take the hint. I know easier said than done, but do not risk hurting yourself or ruining a friendship.

I hate to be cliché, but there are more fish in the sea.

Today while surfing Edge, a network for Gay and Lesbian news, I came across Americans for Truth about Homosexuals. I mean, I guess it should have not been surprising that there is a website “devoted exclusively to exposing and countering the homosexual activist agenda,” but I still felt awkward reading Peter LaBarbera’s opinions. The contexts of many of the “articles” seem skewed, but I guess the argument goes both ways.

For example, Julea Ward, did not in my opinion get let go because of her religious convictions. In my opinion, she was let go because she refused to follow through with the functions of her job. She did not provide counseling to someone whom needed counseling. If you are not going to counsel those whom you are suppose to be providing a service, of course you are going to be let go. I thought this should be the logical outcome. I am also under the impression that there is more to her being let go then this one event. Think about how hard it is to be let go. I mean you need more than three write-ups so to get canned at Mc Donald. Why would a school let go a credentialed conselor for this one event? In my opinion there is more to the story.

Another example, on the homosexual parenting page of the websites, it shows Gays and Lesbians in only one context. A clip of Gay Pride is used to show how vulgar homosexuals are, but what about all the homosexuals who are social workers or directors of organizations that help people in need, or volunteers at shelters for the homeless or food pantries or those who provide victims of sexual assault a warm smile and confirmation that it was not their fault. I am not saying only LGBTQI community members do these types of philanthropies’, I am merely stating that yes, some LGBTQI community members do. I know homosexuals are tagged as partiers and whatnot, but this is only a small slice of a diverse pie.

My last example of this website’s skewed perception is well, if the government was on our side then we would have already have won the right to marry our significant others…

I hope maybe you would check out the website and get a feel for what some people believe. We can use this as a tool to look at what others think about the LGBTQI community and fix the negative views. Or at least examine why some people had those negative views.

This entry is a part of our World AIDS Day Blogathon.  During this week we share our experiences, stories, and ideas about how HIV affects young people around the world. Join the blogathon .

It is nice to have a day of awareness, but I challenge you to inform people about AIDS / HIV every chance you get. Hand out condoms to friends and promote safe sex!

Today I sat at a table with a friend, condoms and dum dums spread out over the table. The only way to get a condom or a dum dum was to answer a question about AIDS / HIV. If you got it wrong you were giving the answer and still got to get a treat. Our slogan was: Don't be a dum dum wear a condom! =] We handed out about 300 condoms and 80 dum dums.

Afterwards we had a candle light vigil for all those who were taken by AIDS. It was a really pretty. Next year I want to cover the stairs with candles. It was a good turnout; we had a very young speaker talk about how AIDS has affected him.

I hope next year I can reach out to more people.

World AIDS Day 2009

I had a brilliant idea. At my school the Pride Action Committee, an LGBTQI Group, has a homo-phobia log.  Anything hateful, destructive or violent is recorded in it.

I wish this was not needed, but sometimes people can be hurtful and it very liberating to write down the comments and events that scar us.

Maybe someday we can close all the homo-phobia logs and put them on a shelf and never have to write in them again.

But…

For now, I suggest we create an online homo-phobia log where we can vent.

I only ask that we keep the homo-phobia log hate free. Vent all you want, but please do not become violent, destructive or hatful yourself.

The homo-phobia log will be used as a safe zone for all. It can become our history, and a place we can reference when we need a reminder of what we are fighting for in our human rights struggle.

I would like to hear your thoughts. If this is something you would like to see created, let me know and I’ll get the ball rolling.

-Rikki

Growing up in San Diego CA, I was exposed to many different cultures. I felt like finding where I belong in high school was very superficial. Belonging to a specific group hinged on where I purchased my clothes and what genre of music was on my iPod. I never knew exactly where I belonged. A contributing factor to that confusion was I have no idea who I actually was. Now I am a college student, I am still located in San Diego and I am still exposed to many different cultures, maybe even more cultures. But, I am no longer as lost as I was in high school. I know have a whole lot clearer view of where I belong and who I am.

First I would like to clear up any ambiguities and alleviate any guess work. I am a caucasian looking male. I am a citizen of the USA, I wasn’t born here but have lived in California most of my life. I belong to many subcultures such as: beach town native, college student, military brat, activist and I identify as a gay male. Being from these various subcultures have contributed to my beliefs system. Being a gay male has influenced all the sub cultures I belong to and has molded my perception of life the most. With that being said all subcultures have an initiation ritual, which might not be apparent to outsiders. All subcultures are subjected to stereotypes which help outsiders group people into a specific subculture. All subcultures have common values. All these aspects help create a sense of attachment among those whom identify with that subculture.

Coming out! Well almost all people who identify with the gay subculture usually end up coming out to someone. Some people learn that they are gay at a very young age. Some are never open about being gay. Whatever the case coming out is the biggest initiation you’ll ever have to do to join the gay club. Be careful, it is super easy to lose your gay card. I came out, first to my friends and sister, when I was a senior in high school and to my parent after I met my first boyfriend. After I came out the world seem to open up, I met tons of new people. I essentially came out of my shell. I learned where I belong. I made friends more easily, I know this is partly because I was able to be myself but it is a great feeling being able to be open.

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Summary of the

Effects of Gender and Sexuality on Judgements of Victim Blame and Rape Myth Acceptance in a Depicted Male Rape

In Davies and McCartney’s (26 June 2003) scholarly journal, they investigate how sexuality and gender affect judgements towards male rape. Davies and McCartney (26 June 2003) stated that “male victims tend to be blamed more than female victims in both stranger and acquaintance rape situations” (p. 392). They also stated that “male victims are judged more harshly than females” and that “men tend to be more negative towards male victims than women are” (p. 392). This was true across the board. Lastly, they stated that “men are not negative towards all male victims,” only male victims that were portrayed as gay were judge harshly (p. 392). Davies and McCartney stated that heterosexual men blamed the victims in male rape scenarios, whereas heterosexual women and gay men tended to take a pro-victim attitude towards male rape, regardless of their sexual orientation. They collected their data through a voluntary questionnaire. The results supported their hypothesis.

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 Going Greek... I was hesitated because I didn’t think I would fit in. I’m not as trendy as most young gay college students. Although I am well aware of the fact that not all gays are the best dressers (I have seen some real tragic messes!). My assumption was that a gay fraternity would bring out only the trendy party boys. 

My assumption was wrong. The fraternity that I was semiforced to rush by a friend turned out to be an incredibly welcoming group with a diverse spectrum of members. Another really cool thing is the values that the fraternity stands for. When I learned these things, my hesitation was lessened and I continued going to rush events.

Eventually I was offered a bid, which I didn’t think was going to happen because sometimes I can be very passive. I remember on the morning of my interview I went to three different Express stores and two different h&m stores looking for the perfect outfit. I was freaking out. I had nothing to wear, I thought everyone who was rushing was going to be wearing really nice clothes, as we were informed that dressing up was required and that no outfit is too much – we should express ourselves.

I thought after the interview I could breeze through my pledge process with my seven other pledge brothers.  Was I wrong! They give us a “test” every Sunday! Not only is my life already full with  my job and schoolwork load, I have this whole “Greek” thing on my plate. Not only do I have to memorize fraternity history, I have to learn the intimate life details of twelve new people. I recall being at one pledge meeting where all my pledge brothers and I had to disclose our penis size, whether we are cut or uncut and favorite sexual position… as well the famous “top or bottom” question! On top of all these exciting new details I have to memorize about my brothers, I need to earn 5,000 points while doing it. We earn these points by running into our other pledge brothers around campus or town, but I never seem to have the time to run into anyone.

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The Supreme Court’s decision to uphold the ban on same sex marriage was not shocking to me. After all, it is the high court’s job to uphold the will of the people, and unfortunately, a slim majority of Californians voted to keep marriage strictly between one man and one woman. This does not mean, however, that I will not do what it takes to fight to win back marriage equality. I am, after all, a gay male who would someday like to have a piece of paper that states I am legally married to “Mr. So and So” (has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?).

It is depressing to think that some of my neighbors whom I interact with regularly might have voted “Yes on 8” and might not accept me as a gay man. So, I did what every sad and broken-hearted member of the LGBT community did: I cried, I drank, I went clubbing and cried some more. Ok, well actually, I did not do any of those things. I am not even 21-years old yet, so I can’t even go to the bars, but I did do something! I am sure that many of you may have received one of those weekly Saturday 10 to 3 Facebook invites from Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA). Being the informed college student that I am, I decided to finally check it out.

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 Coming out is tough – it’s like the ugly prom date your mother had to set you up with because all the girls in your high school knew you were gay before you realized it. But seriously, coming out is like high school: some people have good experiences, while others have bad experiences. Everyone learns from it and wants it to end as fast as possible so they can get it over with and graduate to the real world.

In my head, coming out for me was harder then it actually was. Honestly, I really didn’t think I was even gay - I actually thought I was asexual. I didn’t find many girls attractive and guys didn’t even cross my mind until I met Steven.  Oh Steven! Yes, there is a story behind my Steven, and here it is:

Spontaneously, I decided to create an account on a gay networking site and I stumbled into the chat rooms. At first, I had no luck connecting with other guys - most of them were either far too old for my taste, way too young, or in another state. To top it all off they it seemed like everything wanted to ‘C2C’. I got tired of typing my ‘asl’ over and over to everyone that asked, so I stop logging into the site. Even though I didn’t fare too well in the chat rooms, my personal profile did a slightly better job of making a connection with a real genuine, attractive, stable guy (tough to find online, I know!). Lucky me!

After a month of waiting for this guy to log-on to AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) so I could talk to him, we finally exchanged numbers so we could text each other. We then met for dinner with a friend of his in Hillcrest. This was actually my first encounter with gay people and my first experience being in Hillcrest. I liked it. We went to Ichiban On the Rocks and had dessert at Yog-Art. Steven was as good looking in person as he was in his profile pictures. The night went well and we decided hang out again and on our next date we planned a trip to Disneyland.
 

We never actually made it to Disneyland, but I came home with a boyfriend, so everything worked out alright. After three or so months of sneaking around my parents and spending the night at a different friends’ house every weekend, I finally decided if I was going to stay in this relationship that I needed to be completely honest with everyone.  

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