I don't think virginity until marriage is a bad thing, exactly, I just don't think most people have a good reason for keeping it. And I think if most people, like Miley Cyrus, really looked into why they did it, they wouldn't be able to find a better reason than, "I'm a Christian." 

I don't like the idea of "purity" because then, obviously, if, in Miley's case, you have sex before marriage you're "unpure" and, in the case of others, if you have lots and lots of sex you're "unpure." I don't think a person can be unpure, especially since "unpure" isn't a word. 

That leaves us with "dirty". 

Sex can't make you dirty, no matter how much of it one has, regardless of how many partners one has. What about sex is dirty? Maybe if you have sex in a mud puddle or something, but other than that...

The concept of purity is generally degrading to women since it's hardly ever associated with men and the idea that society is totally black and white- that one can only be pure or dirty- is hardly a helpful self-esteem booster to the 95% of the country who will have sex before marriage, or the to 60-some percent of teenagers who will have sex whilst in high school. 

And there's no medical definition of "virginity." Virginity is an abstract concept. How can you lose or keep something that doesn't technically exist? And working definitions, the penis-into-vagina definitions, completely exclude lesbians and gay men. So they're in a perpetual state of virginity? Really? 

And here's the question. What is it you're keeping until marriage? Yes, virginity, but what is that? Your purity? Are you unclean once you're married and have sex? What is it about marriage that makes sex clean? 

Mr. Webster defines virginity as being unsullied, untouched, pure. This is the message we send our daughters. Once you've had sex, you're sullied. You're dirty. You're worthless and no one will want you. You see, my problem with virginity is not so much that no one knows what it is but that we're teaching our daughters that their worth is based on their purity or lack there of- this is not true. My worth should be based on my intelligence, my personality, my sense of humor- not whether or not there's been a penis in my vagina. 

And there's this whole notion of "good" and "bad." We've all said it or heard it- "I'm a good girl, I don't do that," etc, which implies, of course, that those girls who do those things are "bad" girls. Why? Why do we have this societal preoccupation with sex and purity, and why is the whole thing so negative? 

In The Purity Myth (by Jessica Valenti), the chapters are opened with different quotes. One of them is from a abstinence only sex education program. 

"You are a sucker. When you engage in premarital sex, you allow someone to unwrap your sucker and suck on you. It feels good for a while, but when he's done with you, your next partner is left with a poorly-wrapper, salvia fouled sucker." 

Here's another good one.

"Your body is a rose. Every time you engage in premarital sex, you lose a petal. Don't leave your future husband with an empty stem." 

Do you not see how promoting purity is negatively affecting young women? Look at the language of the first statement - "When he's done with you." Purity doesn't just keep you clean, it protects you from all of the evil men who would just use you for sex. Because, you know, that's all boys want and we must protect ourselves from that. The only way we can make sure we're aren't being taken advantage of is to wait for marriage. 

I'm sorry, but I'm too smart to believe that. I'm too smart to believe my worth rests on my purity. And I'm too smart to buy into the idea that having sex before marriage dirties me somehow or lessens my worth as a person. Regardless of how much sex I have or do not have, I am still a valuable person. 

I am not a rose. I am a person. Having sex doesn't make me any less of a person. It doesn't make me dirty or sullied. It doesn't make me bad. In the same sense, not having sex doesn't mean I'm pure, clean, or good. My worth is not my sex life.