“Polyamory goes beyond non-monogamy. It is negotiated, ethical non-monogamy.

Polyamory is the non-possessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of interacting intimately with multiple people simultaneously. It gives one the option of  having relationships outside of social norms. Polyamory is from the root words Poly (meaning "many") and Amour (meaning "love/lovers"); hence "many loves" or

Polyamory.

 

Polyamory is an umbrella term, it can mean many things, such as being in a triad (when there are three people who are intimate with each other), having a primary partner, being single but having multiple lovers or relationships. To us, revolutionary polyamory means purging the seeds of oppression that try to corner us into ownership, control of our bodies, and illusions of security through something outside of yourself.”

“This year I have been active about discussing alternative models of having relationships , considering that the dominant model we hear about relationships does not work for many of us. In fact, it does not work for about 50% of the population, if you take a look at how high divorce rates are. I have also been more active around learning more about my own sexuality, and challenging ourselves, as people of color, to reconsider sexuality as something that is constantly changing, adapting, being reinvented.

 

In our own communities (black and brown) I feel that we often regergitate [sic] heterosexist, oppressive models around sex, for example, in many brown families young women are not talked to about sex unless the message is "Don't have any!" There tends to be an emphasis on "waiting for marriage" for young Latinas, I mean, I definitely got conditioned that way, not by my parents, but by all the culture around me. I was also not encouraged to learn about masturbation, about open relationships, about questioning whether I liked men or women - I was conditioned to believe that I would fall in love with one really awesome guy, have babies with him and be monogamous, and that that should be one of my main life purposes. That's not where I am today, and at age 30, all I hear at family parties is "Favi when you gonna have your own babies! Cuando te casas??”

“i think that if you are clear about what it is you want, what it is your potential/current partner can offer and are honest with one another that it can and does work. i also think many people of Color who have opinions on it are very much unaware of what poly relationships are and confuse it with polygamy and cheating. i think they are also far too comfortable assuming they have control over other people's actions, and buying into the illusion that there is only one person who can fulfill everything we need in this lifetime from another person. talk about STRESS!!!

 

sometimes open relationships don't work for a lot of reasons, that are just the same as why monogamous relationships don't work (scheduling, values, belief systems, politics, family, dishonesty, death, changing needs etc.) but not because they are open. sometimes monogamous relationships [sic] dont work because they are not open!

 

what would happen if every person was raised with love and acceptance to our opinions of open relationships? i think for many people the fear of losing love, giving love, exchanging love is so overwhelming it leads us to want something that may not be very realistic for some people like monogamy.

 

i also think many people project their own ish onto the open relationships we may have. what if people not in our relationsip [sic] realized our relationships are about our needs not theirs? what if we all realized that we do what is best for us at that time and if having one or more primary partners or primary lovers or companions etc. is what is best for us that is what we need to do at that time. we are always evolving.

 

i also think monogamy is a result of colonization but that will take me on a tangent.”

Bianca I Laureano

Last week the internets were a blaze with a particular story about the “sexual risk taking” of Latino youth. Surprisingly, or not so, most of the people in the sexual science field who shared the story either via email or on twitter had nothing to say about the article. I found that interesting because I have a lot to say about this topic! The articles that have been written reference a piece of literature titled “Sexuality and Sexual Risk Behaviors Among Latino Adolescents and Young Adults” written by Marcela Raffaelli and Maria I. Iturbide.

Both researchers are academics with a focus on sexuality and Latino communities. Marcela Raffaelli’s biography can be read here  and from what I can tell Maria I. Iturbide may still be a graduate student working with Marcela Raffaelli. I have to say that I think if this is the case, this is great to have an advisor agree to publish with a student; this is rare in graduate school (usually we do bibliography and research and get an thank you at the end of the article)!

I share a few of my initial thoughts on Love Isn’t Enough (LIE) (formally Anti-Racist Parent) yet wanted to go more in depth with my ideas and thoughts about the literature and findings. There are a few areas that stand out to me and these include the date of publication, how Latino is defined, how Whiteness and Blackness is defined, gender discussions, cultural values, and issues of consent.

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Each semester when I begin to teach my students about the social construction of race, I use several popular culture references to introduce the conversation. My class is not one of those that are separated into discussing each social construction such as “gender week” or “race week.” Instead, I implement an intersectional framework into my syllabus so that students know we are always already talking about race, class, gender, ethnicity, citizenship status, primary language, ability, and sexual orientation (to name a few). If my students are complex, and if I’m complex, how is it ethical to make a “simple” syllabus? I don’t think it is.

Although it’s been over 5 years that Dave Chappelle aired his skit “Racial Draft,” I still use it in my class. I’ve used a lot of his work from season 2 on my syllabus this semester, he is a genius and it is very fun and incredibly effective to talk about the sociological imagination and his skit “Black Bush.” But today, I want to talk about his “Racial Draft” and how media literacy is really at the center of this skit. If you are unfamiliar with the skit take a few minutes to watch it below:

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The US Census wants you to be “counted,” they are also paying folks to do the work (i.e. get access to communities they can’t) and honestly, they are paying pretty well. I’ve gotten a ton of emails and announcements about Latino organizations participating in getting young people to fill out the Census. They’ve gone as far ask asking several musical artists to contribute a song (that we’ve already heard and may already own) to a CD they will give people once they complete the Census. You may have also heard all the chatter about the term “Negro” being on the Census  as well (fyi, it’s been on the Census for decades).

I remember when I was old enough to fill out a Census I was living outside my parent’s home and could fill one out by myself. I had looked at what my mother wrote and she said that she racially identifies as White and ethnically as Puerto Rican. That was one of the first times I realized that our racial identities did not match. I’ve mentioned a few times already about how multiple identities intersect and how they result in very specific experiences especially in different places. So I wonder not how the US Census is going to count LatiNegr@s (along with all the other multi-ethnic and racial people in the US), but I wonder how we can change the conversations we are having about the intersections of Blackness and Latinidad.

The first post I wrote this year  I highlighted people who embodied both identities. I also shared that I had “a post brewing in my mind simply because of this man [Laz Alonso]. You see he was in Spike Lee’s “Miracle at Saint Anna” as the lead protagonists. In the film this Cuban-American actor portrays a Black Puerto Rican soldier. The marketing for this film was specifically dedicated to the Black identities of the characters and their work as (Buffalo) soldiers during WWII. What I find striking (and telling of the racism within our communities) is that there was limited to no Latino coverage of this film and he is the lead character. For this reason alone we must recognize and support the LatiNegr@s in various media positions because even within our own community we are ignored and overlooked.”

Have you heard of the film “Miracle At St. Anna”? It is one of Spike Lee’s most recent films (aka “joints”) based on the book of the same title by James McBride about the US Army's African-American 92nd Infantry Division who were called “Buffalo Soldiers.” Lee has spoken very publicly about the challenge he encountered trying to find funding for the film. A majority of the funds came from other parts of the world, specifically Italy and France with some money put in the pot from Disney. However, Lee has shared he feared the film was not ever going to be funded.

Before we continue check out the trailer for the film:

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by Bianca Laureano

One of the things I learned early on in college was that the philosophers, professors, and activists I looked up to and admired had a lot of their own flaws they were working out. As I’ve evolved into a sexologists of Color, one of the few I might add, the skill I’ve had to develop and nurture the most is: finesse. You see, there are many sexologists, sex educators, researchers and therapists in the US that have done amazing work and continue to do so, however often their work excludes poor people, people of Color, immigrants, people with disabilities, and youth.

I remember when I realized I had to take Betty Dodson to task for a video she uploaded about a trip to Cuba. She and her working partner Carlin had described the “big Black horny Cuban men” in a way that was demeaning, perpetuated the “fear” of the White female tourist, condescending, and oversexualized men of Color, especially LatiNegr@s. I’m sure neither of them saw or read that piece I wrote. And honestly, if they did they probably wouldn’t have to do anything about it. You see that’s because they have that privilege to identify people of Color in another country in such ways without having to consider any backlash. My small attempt at calling them out on their ethnocentrism, racism, classism, elitism, and being just plain triflin’, I see as one part of the reason why I came to this field. We deserve to be a part of the conversations about us and our sexuality.

There are not enough of us, people of Color, people from oppressed and marginalized communities speaking out and to the “foremothers” and “forefathers.” I remember being in a training and the White female trainer talking about how we can use the Kinsey scale to describe the behaviors of men who have sex with men (MSM). This trainer put adult MSM of Color at the same level as adolescents. I shared that from my perspective this was infantilizing adult men of Color, something that our society already does and that I’m not going to perpetuate that or what she suggested and use the scale in such a way. She was not prepared for me to challenge her in such an astute and intelligent way. Her response was that she “doesn’t think the scale was created for that intent.” Well duh, there were not many people of Color Kinsey even interviewed! After she came up to me and wanted to “make sure I was ok.” As if my speaking out and challenging what she said automatically made me someone who needed care of some sort, apparently questioning a White woman providing a training means you are not feeling well.

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For the 37^th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade I had a lot to reflect upon. I wrote a bit about my thoughts on “What Choice Means To Me” on the Rh Reality Check site. My thoughts on “choice” always centers on the death of Rosie Jimenez, so my piece speaks to what her death and legacy means to me.

If you have never heard of Rosie Jimenez, I’m not surprised. Although people say they will “never forget her,” for me, I exist because of her and remember her everyday. She was a young working-class Chicana mother of a 5 year-old daughter living in Texas and a few credits short of completing her credentials to become a teacher. When she realized she was pregnant and discovered the new Hyde Amendment  that had recently been approved would not allow her Medicaid to cover her abortion, she died of an illegal one she obtained. She was the first woman to die after this new amendment was passed.

I wrote this in my piece on Rosie Jimenez:

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Each time American Idol begins a new season I usually only watch the audition clips. Sometimes I’ll check out the actual competition and listen to the performances and see who gets voted off, but I’m more entertained watching the auditions. I’m very clear that one of the reasons I’m entertained with the auditions is because I like to hear the songs selected, performers comments, judges reactions, and overall search for finding new talent. I am however, one of those viewers who is overly compassionate for the contestants. For example, I’ve been known to cover my eyes for a contestant who is singing poorly in embarrassment for them and tear up at times for folks who genuinely are excited and overwhelmed when they get selected to move on to Hollywood.

One of the things I’ve said for years about American Idol, is that it is one of the few shows were we get to see working-class and working poor White people represent themselves. Do you remember the last time you heard a working-class and/or working poor White person on television? The last time I remember hearing from them I can name on one hand: Diane Sawyer’s special on Appalachian Whites which she called “Hidden America” , when the Crandall Canyon Mine collapse occurred in August of 2007.  Prior to that there were two other mines that collapsed in 2006 , one in Virginia and the other in Kentucky, and after that the working-class and poor Whites who could not leave their homes in the Gulf Coast area during Hurricane Katrina. These were the last times I remember, aside from American Idol; I’m sure there were others in some regions, but not here in NYC (interesting how I blocked out the entire election campaign).

My point it that it is not often we hear from working-class or working-poor Whites in mainstream media. American Idol is one of the only spaces that feature them. Here’s an example of what I’m talking about, contestant Vanessa Wolfe from Tennessee:



All four judges loved Vanessa; they think she is authentic, although ill prepared for the audition. Yet she gets through to the next round to Hollywood. My understanding of what the judges thought her authenticity was about her class and geographic location. Each judge says they will choose “the country girl” except for Simon who says “yes to YOU Vanessa.” Vanessa is authentically and unapologetically a young White woman from a working-class family from the US South. There are many similarities I share with Vanessa. For example, when she began to share of her anxiety at the 33-second mark she says, “I’m so nervous I know the judges are high profile people and I don’t want them to look down on me or nothing like that. What’s life without a risk or two?” I know, deeply and intimately know that feeling of fear of having “high profile people” look down on me for who I am and where I’m from.

However, immediately after Vanessa we are introduced to Jason Hamilton from Alabama when host Ryan Seacrest discusses people’s hopes of turning their luck around and changing their lives. It is Jason’s story that is parodied in ways that immediately made me uncomfortable.

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I’ve been fat all my life. Add to that my height (6 ft), my fierce hair, and my love of fashion and makeup and I’m basically a Glamazon. As many of you may already be aware, being a large woman of Color living in the US and the daughter of working-class immigrant parents was/is difficult. Everything from anti-immigration rhetoric, racism, sexism, classism, elitism, and fatphobia has followed me my entire life, even from within and among family and friends. Somehow, I wish I could pinpoint specifically, regardless of how I was socialized to hate and be ashamed of my body, when I found peace and calm in my body, enjoyed it and how it moved and felt. Yet I enjoyed it in private, shared it with my partners, but I also started to design my own clothing. I didn’t realize it at the time, but making my own clothes was a form of making media. I shared a bit about this in my column debut. In my mid-to-late 20s I began to learn more about the size acceptance movement and the health at any size communities/ideologies. From these spaces I found The Adipositivity Project, a photography series of fat women (some images contain nudity and may not be safe for work). Prior to that I had only seen images via photography by Laura Aguilar, a Mexican lesbian photographer who photographs herself, nude, and in nature. Since I found her I have used her in my classes that focus on women, art and culture.

The Adipositivity Project’s goal is to:

promote size acceptance, not by listing the merits of big people, or detailing examples of excellence (these things are easily seen all around us), but rather, through a visual display of fat physicality. The sort that's normally unseen. The hope is to widen definitions of physical beauty. Literally.

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I grew up at a time in US history where race was very much in a Black/White binary in which I did not easily fit. Add to that my ethnic identity, class status, gender expression and I felt even more isolated. Rarely did I ever see an image or representation of LatiNegr@s*, like me, in the media, but today it is different. I want to share the LatiNegr@s that I am excited about this year and for you to keep an eye out for. Many of them you may have already known about or seen/heard, yet there may be a few you just need to be in the know about! I apologize in advance for not translating some of the video clips that are in Portuguese or Spanish or that do not have subtitles. Please know this is in no way an exhaustive list. I encourage and hope you share with me LatiNegr@s you would like to feature this year (and that we remember always). I’ll commit to including your additions in a future post!

Wanda De Jesus (Actor)
This is a LatiNegra who reminds me that we are beautiful in all our colors, shapes, accents, and identities. When I see that she is in a film I immediately want to see it because there is a connection that I, as a viewer, have with her as an artist and actor. Wanda De Jesus is someone who has been acting for decades and has an elegance about her that calms me in ways I’ve never experienced through watching a film. That may not make sense to some of you, but I really do see her as an amazing mentor, even if I think she’s one of my mentors in my mind.

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As activists we are always working, always thinking, always organizing, and often forget to take a few moments to relax and rejuvenate ourselves, our bodies, and center ourselves for a few moments. There rarely are times that we give ourselves to just rest on purpose. I’ve learned that it is essential to do this for ourselves to stay grounded, focused, and energized for the work we do towards social justice.

Often I felt guilty when I took time for myself because I was never mentored that it was all right to do this. I want to let you all know that it is all right to take time for yourself; to take a step or two back, to take a break, to be entertained. It is an important part towards maintaining good mental health and decreasing burnout. Sometimes people think that because we critique the media and always have our media literacy lens “on” that we cannot find enjoyable and entertaining experiences through the media without compromising our social and media justice agenda.

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If you’ve been following the Sammy Sosa “situation” and the drastic change in his skin color  , then you know that these are very racialized conversations. If the articles are intersectional they center race, gender, and colonization; yet rarely do they address the issue of steroid use, which was originally suggested to be the reason for his skin color changing.

When I first heard about this story, anabolic steroids were blamed for induced vitiligo. I immediately became suspicious because I know that there is limited scientific information regarding anabolic steroid use in the US. How do I know this? Well I took a little class called “A History of The US Drug War” where I had to unlearn a whole lot that I was taught as I grew up during the Reagan era of “just say no” to drugs specifically. So I did so research.

The take home message of this article is this: There is limited to NO research in the US regarding anabolic steroid use. Take a moment to let that sink in.

Now, how do we know what anabolic steroids do if there is old or no research to support findings/analysis/information that is being distributed? How do we know that using them are “bad” and “harmful” to our health? How were these messages constructed?

In searching for the side effects of using anabolic steroids (either for short periods of time or for longer ones) I could not find much (and I have access to scientific peer reviewed journals as a faculty member at a college). The first thing that comes up is a link to the “Research Report on Anabolic Steroid Use”  from the National Institute of Drug Abuse. The Report actually states: “it is difficult to estimate the true prevalence of steroid abuse in the United States because many data sources that measure drug abuse do not include steroids”  yet does not state why there is no research to examine such. It also confuses all steroids with anabolic steroids, which are the ones we hear about being used when athletes admit to using them. Not all steroids are “bad,” like cortisone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisone .

So, why aren’t studies being done? Well, a few physicians who could do the research think doing such research to understand what some real causes and outcomes are regarding anabolic steroids is “unethical.” See video below for this perspective and others, as well as some Steroids 101:

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This entry is a part of our World AIDS Day Blogathon.  During this week we share our experiences, stories, and ideas about how HIV affects young people around the world. Join the blogathon .

Many of you reading this already talk about HIV every day, not just on World AIDS Day. Yet, as time progresses I realize that not many of us know what role the media played in HIV and AIDS prevention and education. The history of HIV has been overlooked as efforts in prevention focus on the here, now, and future. Yet, the history of HIV and AIDS in the US and around the world, and the role media played is, in my opinion, essential to crafting, creating, and implementing new prevention efforts.

When I begin to teach about the sociology of health and illness, HIV is always part of my anticipated class discussions. You see, I remember a time in this world when HIV was not something I had to worry about because it had not yet existed (same thing with computers, but that’s another post). This is not the case for all of us today. As many of my students were born after 1990, their understanding of the history of HIV and AIDS in the US and the world is limited.

In some communities the idea that HIV and AIDS only infects gay White men is still prevalent. Yet, many people do not know where or how this myth began.  Part of my essential reading list for my students is to watch the PBS Frontline documentary: The Age of AIDS. I ask students to at least watch the first hour of the documentary (which is over 5 hours long). PBS has created a timeline of AIDS around the world and many of the cases are stunning to see how far along we have come in technology to be able to detect infection in blood samples from the 1950s.

 Watching the documentary and hearing from doctors who worked with patients in the late 1970s and early 1980s informs us that people all over the world were infected with HIV and/or dying of AIDS. Not all of them where White, gay, or men. In fact Black, heterosexual Haitian men and women were infected, injection drug users on the east coast of the US become infected, gay men and heterosexual women in Paris, heterosexual men in Portugal, and Central Africans of every sexual orientation became infected.  Instead of recognizing how this disease affected all people around the world, the US government, at the time, chose to use the media and their power, to send a very specific message about HIV and AIDS.

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SPOILER ALERT

I know some of you reading this may have already seen the film Precious: Based On The Novel Push by Sapphire. There are so many articles to read about the film. Some are affirming ,  others filled with critique and anger. Yet, there is limited discussion of how audiences reacted to the film. I went to see the film last Wednesday, the film had already been out in NYC for 5 days. My homegirl Jen and I went together and caught the 5:45pm screening in Times Square. The theater was huge and 98% sold out! We sat in the 3rd row from the front of the screen. The majority of people in the audience were youth of Color.

***Trigger Warning***
The young couple that was seated next to me were troubling. I looked over at them about 15 minutes into the film and the young woman had allowed her male partner to insert his hand underneath her shirt and fondle her. This continued during the entire duration of the film. I wondered to myself: “does she not see the fact that her partner wants to touch her in a sexual way while watching a film about molestation bring up a red flag for her?”

I bring this encounter up because I wondered what messages she got about creating and building relationships to have her engage in such an activity. My homegirl Jen told me after the film that they had taken up 3 seats together prior to the film started and were engaging in heavy petting with the lights up. I’m not initially opposed to such activity, yet I do think that if that’s an activity you wish to engage in, as Jen said, try to sit in the back in a dark corner. Aside from that, their conversations were along the lines of “it’s so gross she doesn’t shave her armpits.” Now, it was not until after I started to write this did I take a step back and hold myself accountable for assuming she had provided consent to her partner to touch her in such a way.

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As the new fall season in television begins, I’ve been finding myself following the same US shows I used to, and some new ones. I’ve been impressed with the imagery, writing, and content of some series, but not enough from just one show to focus just on that for an entire post. Instead, I’d like to share some of the highlights that I enjoyed, and some that were troubling.

Law & Order: SVU
I’ve watched SVU since it first began a decade ago. It almost seemed like an expected show for me to include on my roster with my focus and interest in sexuality. I’ll be the first to admit there are several things about SVU that unnerve me and perhaps that list of things requires a separate post, but just know that I know. Now, on a recent episode, “Hardwired” which aired October 21, 2009, Dr. George Huang performed by B.D. Wong came “out” as an Asian gay man. The episode focuses on a young boy who is being molested by his stepfather. The stepfather has found an online community of pedophiles who argue that their relationships are not taboo. The group is called Our Special Love (OSL), which Dr. Huang argues goes a step further beyond the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). While discussing the science that president and CEO of the group use to validate their relationships to advocate for pedophilia to be seen as a new genetically based sexual orientation and compare their “persecution” to that of gay people in Iran and Iraq, Dr. Huang states “Pseudo science like this insults my intelligence as a psychiatrist and my humanity as a gay man.”

When I shared my surprise with some friends a few thought: “that was implied” already in Dr. Huang’s character. Now, I can’t recall any time this was implied, and perhaps that’s because I was not looking for such implications or hints because I was focused too much on another issue in the show. Or perhaps it is because it is rare that a gay Asian actor is cast to play a gay Asian character. If you watch the show, what were some of your thoughts?

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I’m a morning person, which means that my bedtime is usually by 11pm. For this reason I almost always miss out on watching late night shows. Last week my homegirl Sparkle sent me a link to clip of the Jimmy Kimmel show that aired the night before with guest actor Taye Diggs. Sparkle’s note stated that “don't let the privileged have all the resources to themselves. a doula for every family, y'all...”

You see Sparkle and I are doulas. Sparkle is a birth doula in another city on the east coast and I am an abortion doula in a public hospital in NYC. Sparkle is one of my doula mentors who encouraged me to apply to become trained in being an abortion doula. When I read about the need for abortion doula’s in NYC in the SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Health Network Newsletter  I looked into The Doula Project and spoke with Sparkle.

It is rare to hear about doula’s in mainstream media. The first time I heard about midwives and doulas was when Ricki Lake was promoting her documentary The Business of Being Born. When Taye Diggs spent half of his conversation on the Jimmy Kimmel show discussing his family’s experience with their birth doula during the birth of their son Walker, I was impressed! It’s a very powerful and intimate story to share. Not only does he discuss their experience with a doula, but he discusses placenta encapsulation. Watch the video below:

Growing up with hippie parents I knew what midwives were and with my background in reproductive health and my time living abroad, I came to understand the role of birth doulas. Even though I had been a part of the National Abortion Federation and counseled women for several years on all their options for their unplanned pregnancy, I never knew there were abortion doulas.

Today, I’m happy to say that I am an abortion doula. So what do abortion doulas do? Similar to the support and pain management techniques birth doulas provide, abortion doulas do the same. We are trained in relaxation techniques, the various abortion procedures, the hospital protocol, some birth control options and counseling. We provide all of these services, in addition to any after care that a person may need.

If you have ever had someone in your life that has needed an abortion then you may know that it is not often that an individual seeking to terminate can bring someone into the procedure room with them. Often the client is in the procedure room with a doctor and a few nurses, but nobody that they actually know or have communicated with prior to the procedure. That’s where the support I provide comes in.  

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