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Each week, I’ll be posting a list of the most news-worthy and/or inspirational, informative, well-written, thought-provoking, and/or unique posts of the week. While every post and every contributor is valuable to our community, these are the blogs that I feel are must-reads.
January 30- February 4
Stats this week: 27 posts by 22 writers
Sommers in WaPo: Wrong about the CDC and wrong about enthusiastic consent- by AFY_EmilyB
Inside this post:
Christina Sommers recently criticized the CDC’s (accurate) definitions of rape and enthusiastic consent. What’s problematic with her viewpoint is that it is 1) dismissive of people who have been raped after they were knowingly or unknowingly using alcohol or drugs, and 2) it ignores the wants of those who do not want to participate in, or further participate in, any form of physical intimacy.
National Strategy for Black Gay Youth in America- by i_speak_out
Inside this post:
The National Youth Secretary for Youth Pride Services talks about a new project to survey “what it is like to grow up being black, gay, and young in today’s society.”
Think Before You Leap- by Amara-NycoleYouthResource
Inside this post:
Hear from a peer educator teaching high school students in North Carolina about sexuality, healthy relationships, and how to become peer educators themselves.
I recently read Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein, a book written by a feminist-minded parent of a young girl, facing the girlie-girl culture of Disney princesses, pink Legos, and baby dolls. The central struggle of the book was how to raise a well-rounded, confident girl when all of the marketing for young girls can be described by only one word: pink. When the market has set boundaries on what girls can play with (although there are rigid restrictions for boys as well) it limits the interests the girls grow up with, influences their understandings of what it means to be a girl, and reinforces stereotypes of femininity.
As someone who hopes to raise my (future) daughter to reach beyond stereotypes and allow herself to pursue her own interests, I was very intrigued by this book. I’d already decided that I would not color-code my child’s bedroom and I would not categorize their outfits or toys just based on their biological sex. Maybe my daughter will love to play with trains and wear her Spiderman t-shirt. Maybe my son will spend his afternoon drawing a mural on our driveway, wearing his favorite purple t-shirt. I have these ideas and plans about gender neutrality and raising children that don’t get locked into a framework of unbreakable gender rules, but this book helped me realize that it’s just not that simple.
There are some generalized differences in how most boys and girls like to play. If my daughter ends up watching Cinderella every day of the week, it’s pretty clear that she has a genuine interest in it. Just as I want to encourage her to be interested in things that aren’t covered in glitter, I shouldn’t discourage her from the interests she does have. I learned that encouraging a broad range of interests shouldn’t include trying to change existing ones. My daughter will be her own person and will be capable of expressing what’s fun for her. Deciding for her how she will and won’t play is not only not fun for her, but manipulative. It’s all about options.
Another complication in raising a daughter with a broad range of interests is that you have to be very careful not to give the impression that “girl toys” are not as good as “boy toys.” Young children do not have a nuanced understanding of gender stereotypes or gender identity and expression. At a certain point, they do realize that there is some difference between boys and girls, but it begins as a very basic understanding, usually based on clothing, hair length, and what they see that person doing. As they come to identify themselves as male or female, a parent has to be mindful of not suggesting to a child who understands themselves to be a girl, that what they may understand to be “girl things” (and how can they really avoid framing that idea when advertising and store layouts have such clear, stark differences) just aren’t as good as “boy things.”
Each week, I’ll be posting a list of the most news-worthy and/or inspirational, informative, well-written, thought-provoking, and/or unique posts of the week. While every post and every contributor is valuable to our community, these are the blogs that I feel are must-reads.
January 22- January 29
Stats this week: 26 posts by 14 writers
Trust Women Week: Bianca’s story- by Media_Justice
Inside this post:
Bianca describes her work as an abortion doula.
Dying of Red Tape: Ban on Federal Funding for Syringe Exchange Programs Reinstated- by one_for_all
Inside this post:
HIV prevention groups will no longer be able to use federal funds to buy needles—thus limiting one of the most effective ways of stopping the disease. By cutting funding for needle exchange programs specifically, they condemn women, people of color, poor people, queer people, and sex workers to disease and death.
Tennessee Bathroom Bill…Down, But Not Out- by Jordan
Inside this post:
A Tennessee bill that would ban transgender people from entering the bathroom or dressing room of the gender they identify as was thankfully put aside in the state’s Senate because (correctly) “there were other issues to be addressed.”
Thank you to everyone who posted a blog this week! You are part of what makes this community great!
~ Samantha
Community Editor
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My posts this week:
Survey Results: How We Describe Others
Target card calls pregnant girls whores
At a Target store in California, a shopper browsing the greeting card aisle was intrigued by a card that read, “Heard you’re pregnant,” but was shocked when inside the card all it said was, “Whore.”
In the handful of articles I found on this story, I couldn’t believe that the consensus was that either the card was funny or that it didn’t matter and anyone who was offended should chill out and get a sense of humor. Really? Shaming and bullying young, sexually active girls and young women about an unplanned pregnancy is funny? It’s no big deal that a girl was called a whore? Do you think she deserves it because she dared to make a choice of having sex without your approval?
Because let’s be clear here: this is targeting young, unmarried women and girls. Who would even think to call a married woman a whore for getting pregnant? Who assumes that a married woman getting pregnant is automatically a bad thing that she should be called names for? And who would call an older, single woman a whore for getting pregnant? Married women and older, single women are socially allowed to have sex. The fact that they have sexual desires and act upon those desires is understood and accepted. The same respect for female sexuality is unfortunately not nearly as common for young women.
When a young woman becomes pregnant, it’s as if she has done something horribly wrong. Calling her a whore signifies the stereotypes that she has slept with several men (which is also seen as something horribly wrong for a young woman) and that she must have low self-esteem because it is presumed that she lets men use her (which, though it hardly stops anyone from slinging this insult, also unfairly makes men out to be animals who only want instant-gratification sex and then discard the girl without further thought).
Calling a girl a whore for the fact that she had sex and accidentally got pregnant devalues the choice that girl made to have sex and devalues her ability to make a positive sexual decision. When someone is called a whore, they are being told that the way they have chosen to express and practice their sexuality is wrong. Teenage sexuality is not inherently wrong. But when we have a culture that believes that it is, then the girls who get outed for having sex by becoming pregnant face much harsher torment and ridicule than all the other sexually active girls. They somehow get more blame and are more publicly shunned.
After watching “Toddlers & Tiaras” (again) last week, I was writing about it in my journal, getting dispirited about how much emphasis is placed on such a limited idea of female beauty and how these marketable expectations are being placed on the shoulders of younger and younger girls. Before going to bed, I finished by writing: “I wish the world was different. I wish more women were better respected. I wish that most of the comments made about women weren’t about the way they look.” But as I tried to fall asleep, I just kept wondering, “How often are comments about women based on their looks?” Was it as high as I thought? Or was I exaggerating the problem in my head because I’d just watched a show about 3 year old beauty queens?
After a few minutes, I got up, turned the light back on, and grabbed my notebook. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep with this thought running through my head, so I made a list of 32 well-known people, 16 women and 16 men. I decided that I would survey my friends and family, asking them to give me a short comment about each person. Then, I would keep track of whether or not the comment was about their physical appearance. I ended up getting 8 men and 10 women to respond to my survey. Admittedly, this is not a large group and I am not suggesting that the results would be the same among a broader spectrum, but they were surprising.
Women commented on a physical aspect 15% of the time.
1/3 of these comments were about other women.
2/3 of these comments were about men.
Men commented on a physical aspect 8% of the time.
1/3 of these comments were about other men.
2/3 of these comments were about women.
When I started this, I thought the percentage of physical comments would be much higher, so I was pleased to see people commenting on a variety of other aspects (whether positive or negative) that these people had. I was also encouraged that women were not overly judgmental physically about their fellow women. Women are thought to have a bad habit of basing their own body image on other women. It’s said that we either try to emulate other women who we’re told are attractive, or we criticize other women for not looking more like us.
Each week, I’ll be posting a list of the most news-worthy and/or inspirational, informative, well-written, thought-provoking, and/or unique posts of the week. While every post and every contributor is valuable to our community, these are the blogs that I feel are must-reads.
January 15- January 21
Stats this week: 13 posts by 11 writers
You’re straight--why do you care about same sex marriage?- by amandainohio
Inside this post:
Amanda shares her story about how she became an advocate for marriage equality.
New study on contraceptive use and teen mothers- by AFY_EmilyB
Inside this post:
Emily discusses the consequences of not providing teens with the knowledge, skills, and access to use birth control effectively.
A Victorious Sigh of Relief- by AFY_Deb
Inside this post:
…the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced today that it would not expand religious exemptions to no-copay birth control requirements of the Affordable Care Act.
Thank you to everyone who posted a blog this week! You are part of what makes this community great!
~ Samantha
Community Editor
Each week, I’ll be posting a list of the most news-worthy and/or inspirational, informative, well-written, thought-provoking, and/or unique posts of the week. While every post and every contributor is valuable to our community, these are the blogs that I feel are must-reads.
January 8- January 14
Stats this week: 20 posts by 15 writers
Servicewomen Deserve Better: Abortion Access in the Military- by ashthom
Inside this post:
How can this restrictive and cruel policy make any sense, especially given that sexual assault is more common in the military than among the civilian population? The military should work to decrease incidences of sexual violence within its ranks, and also ensure that after a servicewoman is sexually assaulted she has access to all medical services.
VIDEO: Senator Al Franken Speaks Out on the Student Non-Discrimination Act- by AFY_Nikki
Inside this post:
Minnesota Senator Al Franken has released a new video in support of the Student Non-Discrimination Act, a bill that would protect public school students against discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
Thank you to everyone who posted a blog this week! You are part of what makes this community great!
~ Samantha
Community Editor
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My post this week:
My moment of horrified shock during "Toddlers & Tiaras"
Last night, I was watching “Toddlers & Tiaras” on demand (mainly because I’d already watched all the available episodes of “Intervention”) and while the first episode was generally shocking, disheartening, a blow to my feminist principles, and a basic guide on how not to be a mother to a girl, something that happened 10 or 15 minutes into the second episode made me pause the show, turn off the TV, and go up to bed. What I found so unbelievable and so destructive that I had to stop watching was when one of the mothers said:
“My ultimate goal is to try out for some lingerie football league.”
Excuse me---that’s your ultimate goal? That’s what you want more than anything? Running around after other women in frilly underwear while men objectify you is how you most wish you could spend your time? You want to tell your young daughter that how you find personal value and recognition is by being of a specific size and shape and letting strangers ogle your near naked body? You want to tell her that that’s a good way for a woman to earn money and gain attention? That if she wants men to like her, and if she wants to like herself, she needs to be thin and out of her clothes?
Girls and women (and everyone else) should be valued for their intelligence, generosity, compassion, courage, dedication, etc. Girls should know that the female body comes in all shapes and sizes and that they have more valuable things to offer than their pant size. I think it is dangerous for a mother to set an example that puts a male’s opinion of their physical form above what they say and think and what they are able to achieve while dressed.
When I think about my ultimate goal, I think it would be to ensure that when I have a child, they grow up to be a good person. I’m not saying that women who play lingerie football or enter their children in pageants are bad people. But when I think about what I want most, it just doesn’t involve men cheering about my daughter’s panties.
~ Samantha
Community Editor
Each week, I’ll be posting a list of the most news-worthy and/or inspirational, informative, well-written, thought-provoking, and/or unique posts of the week. While every post and every contributor is valuable to our community, these are the blogs that I feel are must-reads.
January 1- January 7
Stats this week: 9 posts by 6 writers
Hershey’s Rationale on banning a student- by rikkiyouthresource
Inside this post:
Rikki brings to our attention a serious case of discrimination based on a young boy’s HIV status and explains why the school’s decision to expel him was so unnecessary.
VIDEO: Q&A with UNFCC Executive Secretary Christiana Figueres- by leovlauzon
Inside this post:
When the Executive Secretary of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change was asked how sexual and reproductive health and rights can be better integrated into their work, her disappointing answer makes us doubt how well the UN is understanding and tackling these issues.
Thank you to everyone who posted a blog this week! You are part of what makes this community great!
~ Samantha
Community Editor
Most of the time, new year’s resolutions are pledges to improve yourself in some way. They are for the most part made with good intentions, but I just want to suggest to everyone that instead of looking at resolutions as a promise to fix yourself somehow or to end a bad habit, it might be better to frame your resolution as something that will help you be kinder to yourself or in a way that helps you prioritize your needs.
For example, if your new year’s resolution is to lose weight, reframe the negative thought pattern of “I’m fat; I weight too much; I will look better when I’m thinner,” to a positive thought pattern of “I want to eat food that is good for my body; My worth is not in my weight or shape; Finding fun ways to exercise and be active energizes my body and mind; I respect my body and want to treat it well.” Within a positive frame, a resolution to lose weight is about what is healthy for you as an individual and your personal empowerment to live well. It’s not about correcting something that is wrong or being hard on yourself in an effort to present a more acceptable image.
I think one reason many resolutions don’t last the year is because they were based in negative thought patterns- They were about fixing something that is wrong rather than nurturing something that is right. That’s not to say that a new year’s resolution shouldn’t be about breaking a bad habit, but instead of thinking of it as not doing something that is bad for you, think of it as choosing to do something else that is good for you.
I hope that we can all make positive resolutions for ourselves and I hope that we have the confidence, motivation, and support to always think of ourselves and our goals kindly.
~Samantha
Community Editor
