So lately at home I've been getting increasing frustrated with homophobic comments made by my family and even more frustrated that because they are unaware of my sexuality that this both deeply offends and hurts me.  I've also in the past had problems with my boyfriend when it comes to accepting I'm bisexual and because of this that was sorta swept under the rug and avoided at all cost.

Tonight was particularly frustrating at home and I didn't have anyone else to talk to so I called my boyfriend and just completely unloaded.  Though I didn't come out and scream I'M BISEXUAL I did emphasize that I have been struggling with my emotions and how hurtful homophobic comments from my parents have been.  That when he jokes around about a girl being attractive and I agree that I'm not joking around and no matter what anyone wants from me I'm not changing for anybody.  This is who I am.

The twist came when he was ok with it.  After many fights about it and months of silence because I was afraid, I finally had a conversation with my boyfriend about my sexuality and he was maybe not thrilled but he was accepting of it.  I'm not sure he'll ever know what that meant to me, but it meant the world.  I'm really hoping that this could in the long run lead to a new level of honesty that in the past I haven't been able to achieve because I have been afraid of what he would say or think of me.

All that matters to me with or without him though is that this is who I am.  Though I may not have come out to many people I am a bisexual female, I know that and I am completely comfortable in my own skin.  I have come a long way in three years.

I'm bisexual, and have known so since the my seventh grade year.  I am now in the tenth grade.  In the eighth grade came out to my friends and I had several relationships with females and all of my friends were very supportive of my orientation and more often than not were struggling with similar feelings. 

When I got into the ninth grade I had my first relationship with a guy in a little over a year.  He was very easy to talk to and at first I was able to talk to him about things that I had never told anyone else before including that I had been sexually abused and I have a very difficult time having trusting relationships with people due to it.  After getting to know him a little a learned that he is deeply Catholic and comes from an extremely homophobic family.  I told him when we began to date that I was bisexual and it lead to many arguements that finally ended when he decided that since I say that I love him that means that I couldn't have feelings for females cause I'm devoted to him.  His logic said that I can't be in love with a guy and be dovoted and be bi. 

I see where he would be hopeful of the truthfulness in that but I was never able to convince him that simply because I am in a "hetrosexual" relationship doesn't mean that I'm straight.  I still have very strong feeling for girls as well and I love him and would never cheat but he can't understand that I'm still bi and remains very intolerant.  After the arguments stopped and he convinced himself that in love meant I was straight he has refused to listen to my thoughts on his logic.  This has put me in a very difficult spot he and I have been together for sixteen months and I love him but it is so hard to feel like I have to hide a part of myself to be with him.

This year I also transferred schools due to a new high school being built in my school district.  All of my close friends who I had come out to are still at my old high school and the redistricting has me now in a very intolerant school, something that I never really dealt with in either middle school or my high school last year.  The people that I hang out with a very vocal in their intolerance towards homosexual or bisexual people and though a few say that they would be ok with it they feed off of the mind set of the more vocal people and dispite saying they would be ok with it make comments against people who are not hetrosexual.

At home things are not much better.  I have many bisexual or homosexual friends and whenever I talk about them only derogitory comments are ever made about them.  All of the relationships that I've had with girls I had to hide.  I come from a military family in which my dad puts homo/bisexual persons down on a constant basis dispite giving the cliche I'd love you no matter what you are speech when I was in the sixth grade.  Needless to say I don't believe that to be the case and only weeks ago said that he would be ashamed if he had a daughter in law from anyone of my sibings or myself other brother (I have an older brother, myself, and two younger sisters).  My mom follows that lead of my dad and one of my sisters who is eleven is worse than both of them. 

One night while texting one of my friends I joked to my sister about how this particular girl has a huge crush on me.  Horrified she asked me how I felt about this girl to which I said that we were only friends, which is true.  My sister then went on to say good and that if I were gay she would not be able to love me or call me her sister and that she thought that gay people were disgusting.

Due to all this I feel as though every day I'm living a lie because I never really have the chance to be with people who accept that I am bisexual.  There is only one person that I can be open with and her name is Allie she's a close friend of mine and is going through a similar struggle herself.  Despite having her I feel alone, I don't think that I would be at any risk if I told my parents and feel more as though they say what they do for show because gays make them sorta uncomfortable but do believe what my sister said and though it would hurt I'm more worried about what my parents would think than her.  I want so badly to come out to my family in a way that they would come to accept me.  I also want to be able to just be honest with my boyfriend and people at school.

So in all of this you know my story.  I guess all that I really want is to be able to be honest with someone and maybe even find someone who is going through a similar situation so please comment.