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Guys, it’s one thing when you are being harassed as a child, either sexually or physically because you are a child and you can’t stand up for yourself. However, it is another thing when as an adult - I mean above 18 - you are being sexually harassed, but you can’t stand up for yourself.
This reminds me of an unpleasant incident I experienced recently. I was walking on the road side by the market and it was quite rowdy as many people were trooping into the market. I wasn’t going into the market so I was walking against the flow of traffic. Then I saw this man, he wasn’t dressed neatly and he looked like a lunatic, but I just could not conclude my thoughts on him as to whether he was actually a lunatic or just one of those boys who help people carry their load in and out of the market. They often look rough and dirty just like this man.
As I walked passed him, I saw a man’s penis. In my mind, I thought it was my imagination or just a joke or something, because I didn’t want to believe that I saw a penis in the middle of the road by the market. So I looked back at the man, wanting to confirm whether I had seen correctly or whether it was just my imagination. Again, as I turned, he was still holding his penis, flashing it at me with a grin on his face. At that point, I was totally disgusted. I wish everyone around me had seen it too.
A few minutes later, the same man walked past me. In my mind again I thought, ‘didn’t I just walk past this man? He should have gone by now.’ Apparently, he had been following me. I stopped and faced him; he also stopped, staring at me and at the same time flashing his dick at me. I was the only one who saw him and it was beginning to scare me. Then I yelled at him saying “hey, what do you want from me? Can you please leave this place?” Immediately he started yelling at me, calling me names and telling me I wanted him badly and that’s why I stopped. I was so scared, I felt like my heart was going to come out of my mouth. At this point, everyone started staring and it was quite embarrassing.
While he was saying all that crap, I stood behind a stranger, asking him to save me from this mad man. So the stranger yelled at him and told him to leave me alone. That action gave me the courage to also stand up for myself and ‘holla back’. As I did, he stepped back and walked away.
Did I do the right thing by hollering back? I understand that it might just be safer to keep quiet and walk away, depending on the situation. So the next time you are being harassed by a stranger or whoever, what would you do?
Sharing this experience with some folks around, sprung up into an argument that got me thinking about the difference between sexual behavior and sexual harassment. Is it really about what the person does, or is it about how they make you feel? How would you define it?
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Last year I took a law class and one of the cases we studied was about a harassment policy at a university. Harassment, as defined by the policy, is determined entirely by the individual that is being harassed. In this case, it is entirely about how it makes you feel. One could argue that the man was just expressing his sexual urges through his behavior and, because the way he did it is not something that is generally viewed as acceptable in our society, he would be unfairly condemned for it. I think that this argument doesn't hold up because the man made you feel uncomfortable. You did not want to be exposed to him but he did not give you a choice in the matter.
I think a situation somewhat similar (though not as extreme) as your own is "catcalling." I know, on my campus, women are sometimes catcalled at by construction workers or other workers on the street. I'm not sure whether the men do it to impress other men or whether they think the women like it but, regardless, it makes women uncomfortable and it objectifies them. It seems that these men think they are behaving acceptably. When I asked a woman who had recently had this happen to her what she thought she would do next time, she said that she had a reply ready for them. She would say something to them that would most likely make them stop.
Thank you for sharing your situation and I hope this doesn't happen to you again! I think you have a unique perspective, however, and should actively work to make sure that something like this doesn't happen again in your community.
Thanks guys for your comments. I thought so too since he was the one showing off his penis and he even followed me, calling me names and stuff. When I shared this with a couple friends, they said it was sexual behaviour. Voyeurism they called it.
In Nigeria, you can't call the police when you are being harassed like that. The best you can get is, if there was a police man around, he could come save u. Infact the Nigerian police does not have an effective telecomm system. We will get there someday.
it's bad to know that this people are already lost in their own world and no matter what actions we take towards them, be it a reaction to what they throw at us, we always end up looking like the ones with the problem.
so whether you yelled at him or not, that was what you could think of at that moment to do.