Editor's Note: The author is a Nigerian member of Advocates' International Youth Activist Network.

Seemingly a lot has been said about rape and other violence against women both at home, school and work but the question remains to be answered, can we really over say? Apparently the answer will be in the negative. Here in Nigeria, for the first time, the issue of women violence has caught the attention of the lawmakers and in unison, they have condemned the act.

Just last week, a terrible thing happened at the Abia State University in Nigeria. A young girl at the university was raped by five boys whom we suspect are also students at the university. The hoodlums from the videos obviously took her to an unknown place and decided to commit such a dastardly act on the helpless young girl who begged at each turn from the rogues to be free. The rogues had obviously at that moment lost every sense of humanity in them as they laughed, jeered and celebrated each other while they took their turn in perpetuating their wicked act. The annoying part of the story is that the vice chancellor of the university is denying the fact that the girl is a student and the state governor has totally refused to acknowledge and admit that such act happened in his state — how irresponsible! I do not wish to paint the grotesque picture anymore to anyone, the only picture I have decided to paint is the picture of us speaking up and taking a stand against such beastly and condemnable acts in the society.

On this issue, it worthy to commend the efforts of some organizations who have taken up this cause and are ready to fight for it until we all see the finish line. These organizations have joined forces to push down the walls of bureaucracy amongst the relevant authorities whom we know should participate in this fight. Speaking on the issue of fighting bureaucracy, EVA, along with members of the YAG also decided to join in the solidarity fight. Today, the group paid visits to the relevant ministries on this issue. The ministries visited were the Ministry of Women's Affairs and Social Development and the Ministry of Education. On getting to the Ministry of Women's Affairs, we were met by the honourable minister’s representative who couldn’t almost wait for us to be gone. According to him, the minister had sent a letter to the inspector-general of police on the issue of how to fish out the perpetrators of the act and so was waiting for the next action. Waiting for the next action? How dare that question of what next even arise in their minds? Well, I think this response was more diplomatic compared to the Ministry of Education workers who would just not get involved in the issue and claimed the civil service rule of non-alignment. It is saddening to note that at the Ministry of Women's Affairs those who refused to say any meaningful word on the subject matter were women. How sick! Can we still trust these women any longer to carry our collective voices past the noisy streets of the administration?<

But no sooner had we thought that we were left alone to fight than Damilola Ade from Digital Press International spoke on the need for the civil society to form a coalition on advocacy against sexual violence and also for the need for the honourable minister of Women's Affairs to pay a courtesy visit to the inspector general. Again another woman took the initiative to have a meeting with the majority leader of the house of assembly and other women in power on the need for a bill to be passed on the issue of violence against women. Also, members of the Youth Advocates Group made recommendations on how the relevant authorities should not rest on their oars.

Finally I think the relevant law enforcement agencies like the court and the prisons should prepare to welcome those criminals into the home of justice. We would not settle for less on this issue. We are ready to put up a good fight and so the government and its partner called  bureaucracy!

Years have passed and each day that unfolds before me brings with it the recognition that knowledge is indeed the greatest ice breaker of an iced up world. I say iced up because a lot of things which should have been active are being frozen for a right time. And I ask, when will the time come? To be honest, there is no such thing as right time for it never , seems to come. For every so-called ‘’right time’’ that people held on to be finally the time, it was because someone had willed for it to be called the ‘’right time’’. Someone had gone to the future ahead of time and kidnapped ‘’right time’’ which is the only child of procrastination and brought it to ‘’NOW’’ Well, for me, I realized that my own right time had come. A time where I am fully aware of the potentials within my reach, a time where I am in full control of the opportunities that come my way. It’s a fifty- fifty chance that is, whether I take the chance that opportunity throws at me or not, it doesn’t change the fact that it had once dined with me in the parlours of my youthful life. So I dare to throw open the doors of my chambers to the very stranger that I and my generations have long waited for. As I write this, I had decided to take my mind on a stroll down memory streets and in the course of my stroll, I realized that I had watched and not seen, I had heard and not listened and so I bite my lips in frustration. I know now that all these issues had always lived with me and even shared my bed without my knowledge, evil and barbarism chatted with me and even threw feasts for me, all of which I declined not. I had seen a lot of FGM, child abuse, even trafficking but because of my limited knowledge I hadn’t considered them anything worth fighting or speaking out for. It was normal especially TRAFFICKING.
Some years ago, I had come in contact with an experience; one I didn’t know would be of use to anyone not even I. I had a neighbor who had a saloon to her credit. As I recall now, the saloon was always unusually busy. Well, I know it is not unusual because a saloon is supposed to be busy and in fact if it is not busy then I guess its bad luck on the side of the owner. I call it unusual because things never used to be that way. My neighbor was just an ordinary woman who had challenges like every other person. She had a shop and seemed to be comfortably married until things took a different turn in her life and the life of her family. Her husband was sacked at his place of work and then life insisted that they switched roles and so she did. She became the bread winner of the family. She used to maintain the family with the little proceeds from her business until she realized that at the pace she was going, she was never going to cross the finish line and so she realized that she had to think of a more creative and lucrative idea that would fetch her the needed break or forever live a pitiful life. A life where her hands and the hands of her family would be tied by fate. A life where she would watch her children lack and suffer because of the decisions she had failed to make and so she set to work and began to construct something in her shop. At first, I didn’t know what to think but as time went on, it took shape and alas, a mini room had been carved out. Things got more interesting every day because she started to have more visitors and I could see that she also began to harbour some girls of different ages who were poorly dressed and had all their dresses so I guessed and all that they owned in life in a single polythene bag. Their hairs were dirty and looked malnourished and they had plaited their hairs into ugly looking braids and looked quite unattractive. I wondered who those girls were. At first I thought they were the new apprentices and now that I looked back, am sure they thought they were too! My neighbour suddenly became full of activities when her odd customers came around. She would take them to the inner chambers and after a long while, I would see her coming out, then talking one of those girls aside and try to pep them up because most of them wore sad, long faces and when she succeeded in getting their smile, she would go back inside and I guess tell them that their ‘’goods’’ were ready for shipping. Those customers would then come out and try to take a few minutes to familiarize with those girls before carrying them off. Then, what baffled me most was the fact that after these visitors left, she was always counting large amounts of money and was usually excited afterwards. She relished the money counting moments. The customers never seem to end and she worked round the clock to satisfy the needs of her customers and only went home to freshen up. In fact, I finally discovered that those girls usually slept in the shop and would have their baths in the open space behind her shop which she later covered with slabs gotten from the carpenter’s shop and whose carpentry was poorly done. They would take turns to have their baths in the small opening behind the shop as early as 4am before the real activity for the day started and before the world opened its eyes to the sun. Some mornings, it was so cold especially during the harmattans and I wondered how they coped in the early mornings. I soon realized that the times she decided to go home for the night, she would lock them all in her shop and later take a stroll to her shop at 4am to open it for them to have their baths. Before my eyes, I had seen girls being taken away while others were brought back and another customer buying them again. It was trading all day long! I never knew the fate of those girls because I knew that she was hiding them away from the eyes of the law and I never seemed to understand why. Sometimes she would her tell her hairdressing girls ‘’ make una no forget to lock this shop o! abeg no put me for mopol trouble I get family for house o!’’ she would tell them not to forget to lock the shop and that they should exercise care because she didn’t want to be caught by the police and that she had a family to cater for.
This continued for years until we moved away from that location and I wondered who those girls were. But now, I don’t wonder who they were anymore because I know who they were. They were victims. Instead, I wonder who they are and what they have become. Have they lost their identities and dreams to the selfishness of another? Or perhaps they have lost their youthful vigour in the pursuit of a freedom they do not think would be theirs. All this thing I wonder and I know that necessity is laid upon me to preach the gospel against trafficking, forced sex and human rights degradation. I realize that it starts from me and so I put down my hands first and I ask, Would we as young people put our hands on top of each other’s to form a coalition that will help push this motion and thus be proud to push forward a logo that says ‘’let’s dialogue so that we may come to a point of mutual understanding of our rights and responsibilities’’.

This blog was titled talking about a revolution following the song by Tracy Chapman who talked about a time when revolution accompanying the changing times would come. Now, I see this revolutionary times sitting right with us for indeed the time has come for a change in the system, for a change in the minds of people whose actions did affect us once upon a time and whose actions still influence our choices, decisions, our present and future. When I first heard of the theme for this year’s IYY which is dialogue and mutual understanding, I thought to myself that this was coming at the right time, a time where the knowledge and understanding of the subject matter of sex is seen as a measuring scale for morality, immorality or amorality. I talk about a time like now when parents do not wish to discuss sex with their children and like to wear about on their necks the necklace of self-deceit. They carry on in their hypocrisies and like to enjoy the frustrated thoughts of the fact that their children are innocent or to put in another way unknowledgeable of the on goings around them. It is sad to think that these parents refuse to embrace their roles and responsibilities to their children to discuss sex with them and so secretly wish that somehow their minds would sink into oblivion on the things and issues that affect them and take the center stage of their lives. In fact, I have seen situation where parents asks their children if they have become sexually active and secretly wish that their children would lie to them and not confirm their worst fears. How can that be? For long they have enjoyed the solitude of hiding these things they consider secrets and sacred but they do all these without the knowledge that the once trapped butterfly has flown out to wander in the open fields. The fields which they failed to till and prepare for the planting seasons. And now the time has come for the reaping. Shall we reap what we never planted or plant on thorny and a field full of weeds? We have heard tales of young people who have been tested by their parents/guardians especially their mothers and aunties for proof of chastity. Some of these methods are laughable and they include, putting a whole egg into a girl’s private part and coming up with unapproved, impracticable, Unthinkable, unimaginable and repulsive conclusions that if half of the egg goes in into her vagina, then she is unchaste and if it doesn’t, then she is the true daughter of her mother. We shall continue to fight for the enlightenment of young people and their rights in a world filled with unnecessary moral convictions and traditions that hamper the development of the mind and the environment. The time has come for mutual dialogue between culture and a changing world. The battle has begun and we shall not fail to put on the amour of knowledge to fight and wage war against ignorance and unnecessary secrecy that could cost us the journey to a world where rights, respects and responsibility will be the grund norm of the society we shall build with our fight. It is often said that war brings peace but in this case, we hope that this righteous war shall unfetter us from the shackles of culture and traditions which has bound us for so long.

The issue of FGM is something that I find detestable. It is practiced in many communities and usually backed up with silly legendary tales and myth of what will be obtainable if it is or not done. Lately, I was at the park just taking some walks and trying to take enough air to get some relief after spending the whole day at the hospital with sick people and the nauseating smell of drugs when I saw a group of young girls who had come for their picnic or so I thought at least because I saw their baskets of food, drinks and fruits and they all took their seats on the mat spread under them. They were arguing over something but it was hard to tell what, because of the distance, so I hurried my pace and walked towards them eager to know what the argument was especially as I heard the seriousness of their tone. On getting closer I heard a phrase like ’’stops fornication’’. Stops fornication? I wondered aloud. What could possibly stop fornication and so I picked a queer interest in their topic and even picked interest in the girl who said it because I believed she was arguing in favour of something and so I wanted to know what. So I drew closer. On getting close I heard another girl speak’’ that’s an outdated belief!’’. And I said to myself ‘this is it! No way am letting this interesting gist pass me by’’. Then I got close to them and took a seat in one of the park’s concrete slabs, took out a note pad and pretended to be busy. The chatter of the girls had begun again but this time I could hear it well.
‘’ what do you know?’’ Came the voice of the girl who attracted me to the scene
I know everything enough to debunk such archaic ideas from you. I mean, who believes this. Girls?’’She turned to her other friends for support and all the while I kept trying to guess the reason for the argument.
‘’ I know what am saying because I have been there and done it and its working for me and the girls in my family’’
‘’ eh!’’ her friend replied’’ so you have been circumcised?’’
‘’Yes. And even though it hurt at that time, the pain just like my grandma said would go away and the benefits would soon come and I believe it. All my sisters before they married were found to be virgins’’. She said this with so much confidence and guarded this family religion and her faith in it with so much might. I listened some more to the argument and discovered that she had been circumcised at the age of seven by her grandmother and so had all the girls in their family. It was believed that their circumcision would help them stay chaste and be without sexual urge.
All these and much more I learnt from their discussion and I realized within myself that many youths and parents are still swimming in the tides of ignorance. They have been chained by the selfish hands of tradition and barbaric customs. And as I moved away from there and headed for home, I wondered to myself the possible way out of this dark pit of solo pain and entanglement. Pains caused by ugly culture and entanglement brought about by handed down beliefs. Finally decided it was time we did something about it!

A beautiful day had begun as usual as students on campus moved about for their daily lectures. i had just come back from school just before dusk to the hostel and of course i settled in to the ever noisy environment full of girls chattering away, others braiding their hairs while the others just idled away. I got into my room and i heard shouts from my room, people from other rooms had gathered. I ran to my room to get the full story of what was happening in fact to get into my room seemed almost impossible as I had to make my way past a crowd that had formed at the entrance of my room.
'' what’s happening?'' I asked
'' you mean you don’t know? Came a voice
'' its oyiza, she is getting married next three weeks''
oyiza? The voice repeatedly spoke in my head. How can oyiza be getting married? Then suddenly it struck me! Oh! oyiza of course she is getting married, I mean, she was old enough for that. We had two oyiza's and the one I thought of was of course ready for marriage in everything. So I heaved a sigh of relief and put up a happy face. In fact I took over from the noisemakers and made my way to oyiza's bed and hugged her.
'' oyiza am so happy for you''. I said. oyiza looked puzzled and asked
''why?''
''Because, soon you will be married''
she looked at me and then smiled. '' Oh! Am not the bride to be, its baby''
''baby!''. I was horrified and I couldn’t see any reason why people should fill our room in excitement and for the second time I wanted to convince myself that they came here to console her for she was travelling down a path that would eventually become unfamiliar.
''Yes, its baby why the shock?''
Well- I started to speak then stopped and screamed, because baby is baby!''. For heaven's sake this baby as she was fondly called was baby because she was just fifteen! How dare her parent consent to that! I was furious within me and even as I write I can still feel the anger rising within me.
I left the room for a while, and then came back at night when all had taken a calm position. The first thing that came to my mind was baby! Oh I needed to talk to her. So I quickly went in search of her and found her alone under the tree, she looked very depressed. I walked up to her and watched her for a while before walking up to her. She was sobbing quietly not wanting to draw attention to herself and as soon as she saw me she quickly cleaned her eyes and tried to put up a smile.
'' hi''
''hello''. I said. then I walked up to her and told her I had heard of the ''GREAT NEWS'' but obviously the news wasn’t great to her as she broke down in tears and said
'' I don’t want to be married to that man! He is old enough to be my grandfather! Then she held on to me and cried all the more. I wanted to satisfy my curiosity on the stand of her parent on the issue. Her mother was a single parent with two daughters. And so I asked.
‘’what is your mother’s take on it?’’. with teary eyes she looked at me and said coldly
''she swears by my father's grave that if I don’t marry him that she would send me away from the house and so I have no choice. You know my religion permits it and so I can do nothing about it except yield.
Two years on and I still see her on campus, she is forced into a marriage of which she has no interest in and now at seventeen, oyiza is pregnant and can barely manage herself. For me, this was a case of a child pregnant for another child, a lamb taken to the slaughter house to be slain and religion as opium of the masses.
While in a bus the next day, I could still see her face as she spoke that night while we were under the tree. It struck me and I wished I could tell her to defy her parent and take a stand against parental blackmail and forced child marrige. But a second thought crossed my mind yet again, for her, she had come to a point where her power of choice had been snatched away but for me, I had just stepped into a world where I had gained the power to choose whether to TAKE A STAND AGAINST FORCED CHILD MARRIAGE or to DO NOTHING!

Recently on campus, i made this new friend, she is two years my junior but we are in the same department. she is a really friendly girl who tells me lots of things about herself. She said she fellt secure with me. Some months later she introduces me to a new friend she made, her name is kerra. kerra is  charming and much more over the top than my friend. We finally blend in and every where we go, kerra always drew attention to herself. She was a sweet little girl indeed. I say little because kerra was just 16.
   One day, kerra came in excited and told us about this new guy she met and how much she was into him. we all laughed and  were happy for her. Then somehow, i noticed that kerra's moods started changing. The young and happy kerra slowly turned into a sad, depressed and lonely girl. she was lonely even when she had us around. She never seemed to care anymore about her environment  not to talk of her studies. We asked her a few times and she insisted that she was fine. Well, we went on like that for months until one day she came back from her boyfriend's house and we saw her with bruises on her skin. it was a terrible sight to behold. we were curious and asked her about the wounds. And after much persuation she finally told us that it was her boyfriend whom she had gone to visit to ask for money for her upkeep in school that had forced her and raped her and when  she struggled to free herself, he had brutalised her and then raped her and when he had finished, threw the money at her and sent her out. we consoled her after a long cry.
   some 6weeks later, kerra was pregnant. she confided in us because she couldnt tell her parents. we asked her to tell him and when she did, he suggested an abortion then told her to come to his house later for him to take her to the place. on the said day, she prepared to go and we thought he was taking her to a hospital, but he didn't. he took her to a place in the bush and when she refused to let them perform the abortion therebecause the place was unhygenic and looked umprofessional, he threatened to kill her and dump her body somewhere. so she agreed to do the abortion in that place. according to her, the man in charge put a cloth hanger through her vagina and pulled it out repeatedly until she bled continously for a while then stopped. He asked her to pour water on her body and have her bath of which she did. During that period she bled uncontrollably for some days then the bleeding stopped and the abortion had been successfully done. Kerra felt freer and returned to her usual self again. But i cant help but wonder if she is alright internally and if no complications occured. No wonder iam passionate about the government putting adequate youth friendly centres to educate youths on their sexuality. I wonder how kerra would have felt if we had treated her badly during those times for she had not a single knowledge on pregnancy nor abortion.

i had just passed the interview by the co-ordinator of the Youth Advocates Group (YAG) and the next thing i knew was that i got a call from someone who asked me to be at  the VSO(Volunteering Service Office) the next day.

When my caller dropped, I felt somewhat of mixed feelings. I didnt know if I was ready or if I was just too nervous, only then did it dawn on me that I had just walked into a new dawn of responsiblities one that would change my life forever.  I was now responsible not only to my self but to other young people in my community. 
   The next day, I arrived quickly as I had expected and I went with my friend tolu who is also a member of the YAG and as we left the house and headed for the bus stop, I kept on asking lots of questions and oh! i just wanted so much to know about this new place!
 
We arrived at the venue of the training.  Am afraid much earlier than the rest of the group, so we waited, but while I was there, I busied myself with newsletters and articles on culture and tourism.
   Then finally! the door opened and voila! the rest of the team walked in. And as soon as they came in, there was suddenly lively chatter from all over the room, every one was familiar with each other, people hugged and talked while i watched. Then after that we walked into the conference room where we settled in for the lectures of the day. Then just before i picked a seat, a very young girl walked up to me, she was dark skinned, had small features and i guess she looked tall to me that day and wore a beaufiful smile on her face. she said to me' you must be the new YAG member i guess?. 'yes' i said.

Happy that at least someone had noticed. 'you are welcome. and i hope you have fun'. 'thank you' i said then we both took seats next to each other. we sat down and she began to show me pictures taken by the group while they were downstairs. and as i looked at them, our cordinator walked in with a very pretty looking woman. I didnt know who she was then which is quite natural as it was my first time.
 
she wasvery pretty and still is anyway,  very tall, so tall that i had to look right under my table to be sure she wasn't wearing heels. she entered the room with smiles and a warm ambience and not long after she entered i heard some one scream her name from beside me. 'hey Mimi!' oh! so that was her name, Mimi. maybe Michelle. i couldnt think of any other name that had that abbreviation. Mimi waved and flashed a wider smile this time. 'hi kike' she said in a rather strange accent. I couldnt figure it out yet until she said the next word then I could finally place it! it was american.
 
she told us to settle down then asked us to introduce ourselves which was standard procedure even if we already knew. then the work for the day had begun. we established ground rules and moved on to the day's programme. 
  Mimi was quite lively and she introduced icebreakers at the begining of the class which i found very refreshing then continued with quizzes et al. much later in the afternnon we had people from the national assembly and UNDP give us lectures. after that, we had lunch had some few more quizzes and we came to a close for the day. we went downstairs and had photo sessions with Mimi.
  
When I went home, i had already started spilling my guts in excitement before i was asked and my family listened to every word, asked more questions about the job some of which  i answered and the others i didnt know. then i made up my mind to ask my colleagues at work the next day. the day went well then i retired for the night
   
Day two started out well,we had our ice breakers as well then watched videos of other women suffering from nepal, had someone from the ministry of health, had lunch and settled in for a paper mimi gave to us. she said it was as assessment  form, where we had to assess all the activities for the day. and not to forget, she brought up the idea of PARKING LOT- where we keep our ideas for later use. i has never heard of  that up untill that day. it was getting interesting and more, it was beyond what i had signed up for. the day ended as well with photo sessions with mimi.
  
Day three was the last day of the training  and the other two days were to be spent at the office for group planning. this last day was loaded with more activities.before we came.  Mimi stuck up some quotes on leadership and asked us to stand next to the one we felt that was more like what we would think of and give reasons for our choices. It was fun though we had role plays, we were taught messaging, videography, US foreign policy. the US foreign policy was a bit difficult but mimi handled it prefectly. she asked questions and gave out gift to peopl that had the highest points. Then before we left she stuck up papers behind each person's back and asked that we write things we felt about them on their backs. It was supposed to be anonymous anyway but at the end of it, we found out who wrote what. very funny huh!.
 
well i wrote and i was surprised at the things people wrote about me. it kinda encouraged me.  the day came to a close with photo sessions with Mimi as usual and we posed for photographs all the way!
    The last two days we were taught M&E, e-action alerts, presentations, then we drew up a year plan for the group and then took pictures of course! it was wonderful couldnt have made a better choice!!!