Yesterday, I was catching up with an old friend and she was telling me about this new great guy she met.  She, then proceeded to tell me that she is on the pill and that sometimes they have unprotected sex. She asked me if it was ok.  My first reaction was to tell her that if used correctly and regularly, the pill is very effective in pregnancy prevention, but my next question was-- you guys got tested, right?

Judging by the silence on the other end--the answer to my question was a very clear "no". That silence was interrupted by her saying--"it's ok, I'm on the pill, I have nothing to worry about". I did not want to alarm her or put a dent on a new, exciting relationship, so I calmly said--well, the pill prevents you from getting pregnant, but there are also STIs you have to worry about.
She thought for a second--and said--"how can I have this conversation with him, he will think I don't trust him".

I can not begin to tell you how many times I heard the "trust" line.

When my cousin was getting married, I asked my mom if she and her husband-to-be got tested, my mom informed me that my cousin is a virgin, so she has nothing to worry about.  My next question was--well, what about HIM?  My mom's reaction was--she can't ask him to do that, he will think she doesn't trust him!

I heard the same statement from two of my co-workers a few months ago.  And let me tell you, it is a trust issue.

To me, getting tested means that you trust yourself and your partner to make informed decisions about your intimate relations.

To me, getting tested means that you trust yourself and your partner to engage in a healthy relationship.

To me, getting tested means that you and your partner know your status.

I am currently in a relationship.  And before we even began any type of intimate relations, both of us got tested and celebrated our test results as the "beginning of a new chapter in our lives". When I asked my boyfriend to get tested--his first reaction was--"i've only had sex with one person...I really don't have anything". I sat him down and explained to him that this is not about me not trusting him, but this is about us engaging in a healthy relationship.  He shouldn't want to have sex with me without knowing my test results as well.

And I realize that not all sexually active people are in monogomous, committed relationships. And that's perfectly alright--because that's where the use of condom becomes very important.

The conversation I had with my friend made me realize how much work there still needs to be done in this movement. It made me realize that this work goes beyond having access to means of contraception ( even though it is very crucial and necessary). This work comes down to basic education--to basic distinction between the use of a birth control pill and condoms, to the elimination of stigma around "hey, let's go get tested together" conversations.  This work comes down to having access to comprehensive sex education, because I am tired of seeing my friends and family members unnecessarily risk their health because of lack of infomation.