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In today’s media—sex is easy. There is this immediate attraction, a comfortable place nearby….a few seconds of foreplay and boom—the most amazing sexual experience—and apart from a few moans that indicate multiple orgasms—everything is done in complete silence.
These portrayals leave me and millions of other sexually active young people bewildered when we are faced with a complete silence when it comes to moments of intimacy. Now, don’t get me wrong—silence is not always bad. In fact, silence is golden in movies, it comes in handy when you’ve got nothing nice to say, or when you have a lot to say, but are still unsure whether you want to say it or not. However, when it comes to sex—there should be no silence.
There is a talk about condoms or other means of contraception, there is a talk about tests and any possible STIs, there is a talk about comfort level, there is a talk about extra lubricant, fun condom colors, condom flavors, dental dams…you name it! But then, the gap happens.
Discussion about contraception and testing happens more and more often these days—thankfully, but the gap remains. And I’m talking about the gap during intercourse. You know, the one that should sound something like—“to the left”, “don’t stop”, “feels good”, “too much”, “too little”, “more lubricant”, “too much lubricant”—you get the point. And that doesn’t happen as often as it should and I wonder why. I mean, I was “shh-ed” before in bed, because the other person thought I talked too much, or because they thought I was too confident.
But the reality is that yes, I am confident, and I do know what feels good, and I know exactly what it takes for me to reach be big “O”, and since when is being confident such a bad or an unsexy thing? Where does this fear of confidence in bed come from? Isn’t this what we’re supposed to be—the generation that knows it all—the generation that is not afraid of anything—the generation that will change the world.
But the question I still have is—how can we change the world if we still have trouble exploring our bodies, and admitting to the fact that our sex lives are not a Hollywood fantasy.
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