So, I've been volunteering as an Abortion Doula for the past few months, and it's really been amazing. The womyn I meet, the stories we share with each other, the tears that pass, the hands held in the brightly lit sterile room... I've also been battling just as long it seems with others in my life about the supposedly horrible thing I am doing, the kind of work I am dedicating myself to. Primarily, from a Christian perspective, naturally.

I called my mom after a shift about a month ago, because I felt like just talking to her. I was sort of running through how my day felt, and she asked me to explain what I do. The minute I said my title, an abortion doula, she choked out "What?!" That was it. I could feel it building. So before she could manage to say anything, I said quite simply "Mom, regardless of what I think or what you think, these womyn are here to have a medical procedure. Who knows if they've been judged and isolated by family and friends for their choice, I'm not going to be another person judging them. I'm there to hold their hand, and not mke their experience any more difficult or painful." All she could manage was "But what you're doing is wrong!" and then came the tears. I hung up.

This in turn brought me to a few tears. I was overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion all at once. I wanted to sit on the dirty NYC street and just scream. How I could be doing the wrong thing, when every experience I had ever had in the room with these womyn was one of empowerment, uplifting them, encouraging them, supporting them, even loving them for the short amount of time I had with them, loving them through the pain and the judgements and the stigmas and the fear??? I just felt so terrible that my mom couldn't see all the good in my work.

I don't think it was til we had that conversation again, couple weeks later, that we both understood exactly where the other was coming from. Turns out, my mom might actually be harboring mixed feelings about the whole issue because when she was pregnant with me all those nearly 25 years ago, she was also in a position to make a certain choice of her own. I understood the minute she said it, that for her, accepting abortion might equate to not loving me fully, or not fully appreciating her darling child.

This is when I think the seeds for what I am feeling right now, unconditional love, started germinating. My mother loves me so much, so unconditionally, that she mentally adjusted her feelings about abortion so she knew without a doubt that she wanted me, regardless of what she considered. And so I told her this. I told her, that I respect she had a choice back then, and that granted I was glad I'm here now, the beauty of it all is that God had a plan for her and for me, and that amidst all that, she made a choice of love, for me and for her. And that choice was the right one for us.

I think we'll be able to have a little more respect for where we come from, in our opinions and how we hear/listen to each other. And I'm so grateful. Because while I love these womyn unconditionally, my mom loves me that way too, and really does seem to appreciate the gravity of my love for these strangers. Unconditional. <3

Crystal

Flight Log #456: Any time we fall, or fall in something, it's usually not a good thing... * "I've fallen and I can't get up!" * "Damn friend, you really fell in it this time." * "Hey asshole, why don't you just fall off the face of the earth!" * "Oh, and I bet you want me to believe she just fell onto your penis too?!" * ...yet everyone wants to fall in love. #WTF o_O (disclaimer, this does not address love itself, but rather the idea behind giving love and being loved vs. falling into it.. maybe falling in love is too much.. similar to falling in anything.. love all you want, just keep your damn balance)

This was a post I was originally making as a FB status update. I decided that particular platform was not adequate for this type of thought process. Realized not only have I strayed far too long from the pen of computers, the keyboard, and as my mind's shuttle of thoughts, but I also don't need to be on FB all the time. *whew* long winded, bear with me (and yes, it's bear, not bare). Any who, doth hence, the Flight Log.

The disclaimer is really the important part of this story. This isn't aimed as an attack against love, or any of the ideas associated within the realm of love; what it is, what it's not, etc. This is about how we think about love, and how with any other sort of framing language situation, how we talk and/or think about it may affect how we commune with it.

Moving on, simply put, what if we are too busy falling in love to realize that we are damaging ourselves in the process of the fall ? I feel like the movies I see, the sitcoms I watch, the books I read, we keep referring to this fall that has to happen before the love is truly love, before it's real. But what if by living in this idea of how to find love, we miss all the other blatant signs of warning against something that isn't good for us, or better yet something else that is good for us?

Thing is, the notion of losing yourself to love is sort of tossed in there when you're talking about falling into love. I guess that's how I feel about the messages I see, that the more in love you fall, the more you get into the realm of fluidity in every application of the word. The fall is sort of about this loss of distinction between yourself and this other person, and what your needs might be versus the needs of the unit. Not that that unity is bad, but I fear the implications of falling in love might be more than we should ever handle.

Love is love, right? In all its simplicity and complexity, it's still just love. Why the fall, what good is falling into anything? Maybe by aiming for this great fall, we are becoming tolerant of things we normally would not tolerate, settling for things we normally would not settle for, all for the promise of the love at the end of that long, hard fall.

I'm all for love, but not so much falling for it. I say just keep your balance.

So we're aware of the war on the backbone of our American society, aka those from beneath the "border" who are here to support their families since NAFTA undersold their markets right from under them, and how much of America and Congress and our damned President Obama is trying hard to eradicate, as if they were rodents? Yup, well Alabama actually made some moves, good for you! But umm, those moves may have definitely been the wrong ones.. ooops??



See, they actually thought that Americans, albeit we all are scrambling around for jobs, would want to work the fields. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh Gov. Robert Bentley of Alabama, you silly goose! Americans are a spoiled people, we really are. I include myself in this, why? Because I still profit from the capitalist structure I am working to dismantle. Although I am working on myself, we all profit from the system, whether we are trying to break free or not...

Anyways, as my title perfectly demonstrates, this test to hire Americans to do the jobs immigrants did in the fields failed.. big time. Acording the an article highlighting this failure, Test fails to replace immigrant laborers with U.S. citizens in Alabama, Jerry Spencer, chief executive of the Birmingham-based Grow Alabama, which sells and promotes produce grown in the state of Alabama, suggested they hire Americans to do what the immigrants did in the field. Apparently, Americans aren't as gung-ho about picking fruits and vegetables as anticipated;

Spencer said that of more than 50 people he recruited for the work, only a few worked more than two or three days, and just one stuck with the job for the last two weeks."It’s pretty discouraging," said Spencer.
 

More...

I feel like nowadays, albeit we are ALL (and I mean AFY peeps and the many associated progressive activists looking towards a brighter future) fighting towards something better, I'm almost terrified that we might just be breaking out of one box to find ourselves in another.





See, the thing with re-appropriating labels or stigmas, or even eliminating them, isn't going to really fix anything. I think it has to do with humanities enduring habit of just repeating history; sure empires before us have had dope aspects to their civilization, but they had plenty of their own closet skeletons, as do we. We're all upset when hip-hop is portrayed as the only means of communicating or advertising to Black Americans, and some spicy, caliente lookin' hot mama is shakin' her groove thing ('cuz of course she has a full booty and long, luxurious, flowing, thick hair) to sell things to Latin@ Americas, or some gizmo-happy whiz-kid with funky clothes and over-sized glasses might sell well to Asian Americans, etc etc. Yet some of those things really do appeal to people in those communities, 'cuz some people actually do look or act like that, and don't get offended or feel their rights to live as free humans without stereotype is being impeded on. And it's not to say that maybe, because of the direction of the culture, they are in fact being herded to belive that's how they truly feel about themselves, but then, good GODDESS where the fuck does it end?? It's like a spiral, one of those crazy optical illusion staircases where you're actually dropping off to your impending doom, yet you don't see it 'cuz the stairs go on and on, from your point of view.



Point I think I'm trying to make, perhaps we're tackling a wall; a concrete wall which will kill us before we tear it down, bare handed. Or rather, I suppose, before I even throw that allegory out there

*side note: I totally had to google that, wasn't sure if it was a metaphor or not, but I believe allegory is a more persistent, deeper, leveled metaphor, hence my word choice hehe*

More...

**Look, before I get into it, not ALL cops are bad. It's F*CKED UP people, who make their way into positions of power, and abuse it. F*CKED UP people are cops, lawyers, doctors, mothers, fathers, teachers, ministers, etc. What is important to remember is to hold these F*CKED UP people accountable for their actions. ACCOUNTABILITY&JUSTICE**


*link since I can't figure the embed thing: London Riots**

“What had started as a spontaneous cry of rage, had become an organized demonstration.” -BBC newscaster, on the 1981 Black Youth Riots.

This isn’t the first time Black youth have had to fight back, fight period to make known the discrimination and prejudice they experience. British police markedly stop&search Black youth without cause everyday; racial profiling.

The news will call it what they will: riots, savage attacks, outbursts, destructive behavior. What they won’t tell you is the racial discrimination that runs rampant in the streets between officers of law and community members.

If you’re wondering what sparked the riots, read up:

The immediate cause is clear enough: the fatal shooting by police Saturday night of 29-year-old Mark Duggan in Tottenham, a poor district of North London. In the aftermath of his death, a peaceful protest outside a neighborhood police station abruptly turned violent and soon spread to nearby streets.
 

From another report, it seems the so-called old police story of ‘he shot first so we retaliated’ is NOT the case here:

Investigators yesterday refused to confirm reports that initial results from the tests by the National Ballistics Intelligence Service suggested that the bullet fragments were from police-issue ammunition, meaning they could not have been from a weapon fired by Mr Duggan and casting doubt on claims that he was killed in an exchange of gunfire.
 

Read more about Mark Duggan here.

More...

So,  I was invited to attend and help facilitate an *AMZAING* workshop at this year's National Council of La Raza-Lideres Summit in D.C. with some fantastic people from AFY.

((S.O. to Sarah Audelo, Ernesto, Ariel, and V))

The workshop was called "The Alphabet Soup (L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.) of Sexual Minority Youth." And it went fantastically! It was great, we got up there and did our thing. Ernesto and Ariel had done this already before, but V and I were first timing it (I believe lol). It was really awesome; the audience was engaging once they realized it was a totally safe space, they asked questions and won candy and overall had a good time. It was one of the best workshops I've done yet!

The rest of the conference was a little bit iffy. Not that it wasn't a constant learning experience, but I kept getting the very corporate feel of it all, like a veil was hiding something in plain sight. One guy was really adamant about people going back into the community and supporting Starbucks because they were a sponsor of the summit, which I found really innappropriate.

*sidebar-in* see these pics? this is Starbucks garbage outside 8th st in NYC. they mix their trash and don't recycle. a multi-million/billion dollar corporation doesn't get fined for not recycling, yet countless mom&pop's are held to these standards. WOW 'nuff said!

**sidebar-out**

Anways, a lot of that kind of talk was buzzing around. I understand the importance of quote-on-quote minorities in high-level coporate positions, but not if we're going to assimilate into this European-culture of what is "professional" or accept and value the immoral greed tactics of these corporations for the good of our selfish needs; what's the point in losing our people to this corrupt system? What ethics, exactly, are we enforcing/imposing/encouraging for our future generations of youth, especially our Raza??

More...

Not that I haven't heard it all before, but here we go again: another court case of acquitted officers for crimes they are guilty of. In this particular case, two NYPD cops were acquitted of crimes related to a rape; one stood guard while the other carried out the sexual assault.

Franklin Mata (left) & Kenneth Moreno  

Here's the gist:

~~ Kenneth Moreno was charged with raping the woman
~~ Franklin Mata was accused of standing guard during the incident
~~ The womyn was intoxicated, and the officers took her to her apartment as part of a 911 call from the cab driver taking her home
~~ She blacked out, and awoke to the officer penetrating her, but was too intoxicated to take any action against him
~~ The officers made a total of 4 trips that night/morning to her apartment, even faking a 911 call in one incident
~~ Both were acquitted of the most serious charges because there was no DNA evidence 
~~ Moreno and Mata were found guilty of the lesser charge of official misconduct for repeatedly returning to the woman's apartment when they were on duty

Lesson learned: if you're an intoxicated womyn, and you are raped by NYPD officers, you will NOT get justice. Here's a better photo op of the two NYPD shining stars:

This is clearly so wrong, and yet they're still getting away with it. In our faces. I hate the old backdrop-scapegoat of "she's making it all up, she was too drunk to know anything." I am so tired of living in a relentless society, where the officers break the law without penalty, and people respond to "FIRE!!" more readily than they do "RAPE!!!" 

To quote a rather quoteable juror from the case, Melinda Hernandez: "A womyn knows when she is penetrated."

However, to dispell the halo we may think is on this juror's head, she also said: "But without any evidence, it couldn't be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. And if there is a reasonable doubt you must acquit." Well congratulations Ms. Hernandez, you have successfully been brainwashed by the institution of America's "justice" system. Despite the fact that these two officers were in the apartment a total of 4-times that morning, because of the lack of forensic evidence (which, as an NYPD rapist, I'd be surprised if they didn't know how to clean up after themselves), the entire thing collapses. What about context, huh?! Why do we just follow measures laid out for us by God only knows who, and follow blindly, sans a thought to the whole thing?!

Seems to me like NYPD needs to change the signs on their squad cars. I fail to see how this is any example of Courtesy, Professionalism, or Respect.
And, as protesters rallied  May 27 in front of the courthouse, NYPD also needs to "institute comprehensive training on rape, sexual assault and sexual harassment, and a zero-tolerance policy for when those acts are committed by officers."

To read the article, click Rapist Cops Acquitted
To read the more recent controversy on the case, click Lawyers Try To Prevent Victim From Speaking During "Rape Cop" Sentencing

-Crystal

Consider this next mentioned article one for the record, it is simply amazing..

Who or what is the crazy sex nympho myth?

Ms. Clarisse Thorn of Jezebel.com writes:

“There’s this cultural image of what it means to be female, and good in bed. The image includes a lot of behavioral stuff: the way you squirm, the way you moan, being Super Excited about everything the guy wants to do, and Always Being Up for It — whatever “It” is. When people think about “good in bed,” for a woman, that’s often what they think. This image also includes being young and thin and cisgendered of course…”

Take this book cover for starters; a pretty generic idea of what sexy is, for any audience member, yet read the title. Clearly, Jenny McCarthy is not here to uphold the false projections womyn of society are thrown under. The idea is not that you can’t truly be enjoying sex that much, but if you aren’t, why do so many womyn feel even the slightest obligation to “perform” while, errrrr, performing??

It’s like this: we want to come away from the stereotypes and unfounded ideals that sometimes we ALL get too caught up in, especially when you’re still figuring out the game. If your earliest intro’s to sexuality and sex were the monotonous “porn-size-fits-all” videos and the terrible culture of sitcoms where every couple is totally&&unequivocally satiated with each others bedroom performance, then yes you too may share this next sentiment: “Because I have always, since before I even started having sex, known exactly what I was supposed to look like while I had sex… I can definitely assure you that before I had any actual sexual partners, I knew how to give a good blowjob.” It’s crazy, but too many womyn share this very same introduction to the world of sex.

And not just womyn, of course... I love how she blatantly says she doesn't want to stick men to the same general stereotype, "the idea that men are emotionally stunted horndogs with no interest in how their partners feel." I loved how this isn't just some "womyn rant", it's intellectual and sincere and not witholding; brilliant.

**quick disclaimer: this is NOT an anti-porn blog, but it is important to note that porn, while quick&&accessible, is not a be-all-end-all to sex-ed, early or otherwise.. porn is great, albeit just half-the-story, I'd just like  to acknowledge how due to a terrible lack of societal sex-ed in general, porn has reigned carelessly amidst our adolescents, who have many questions but never enough answers** {{speaking of which, check out this site, wrote a blog on it before, it's really cool, and NOT anti-porn necessarily, just realistic: Make Love Not Porn}}

Clarisse really goes IN on the whole issue, sharing personal thoughts as well as referencing valid points from other feminist arguments. It’s a really great read, so take a minute and take it all in. Click on any of the quotes to go to the article; the first link is to the Jezebel website homepage (with tons of great articles, I'm just getting started for today).

Oh, and I also found this article on another site, entitled The Good Men Project (and apparently it’s Sex Week, so read up on many other good articles!!)

Always readers, stay SAFE!!

May 17, every year, is celebrated all around the world as International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia (IDAHO). This photo is the 2011 campaign-awareness pic for the Fondation Émergence, “which is dedicated to fighting this scourge on our societies that is homophobia.” Fondation Émergence works with other various orgs, and has established these campaigns nationally in Québec and in Canada.

To find out some more information about IDAHO (as it has been acronym-ed), click the above link. To see some more artistic campaign posters from previous years, click Annual Campaigns, and check out the different links to the archived campaigns. OOH almost forgot, check this link for 17 FAQs about May17!!!

Even U.S. Secretary Hillary Clinton had a thing or two to say about IDAHO-May17:
“On behalf of President Obama and the people of the United States, I am proud to reaffirm our support for LGBT communities at home and abroad, and to call for an end to discrimination and mistreatment of LGBT persons wherever it occurs. Whether by supporting LGBT advocates marching in Belgrade, leading the effort at the United Nations to affirm the human rights of LGBT persons, or condemning a vile law under consideration in Uganda, we are committed to our friends and allies in every region of the world who are fighting for equality and justice. These are not Western concepts; these are universal human rights.”

To read more, click US Secretary Clinton Issues Statement for International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia.

What’s more, you should definitely check out one other site, with videos and links on the front page. There’s a ton on links on the right hand column, if you scroll down a bit, with articles about what’s going on ALL OVER THE WORLD in regards to IDAHO initiatives. It’s all a part of the As I Am Campaign, so click and check it out!!

Last, I would love to share this featured poem from the As I Am Campaign homepage:

I am as I Am
I am as I am
Don’t even think about rejection !
So come take a look
And write in your book
My self-expression…
It’s our world
And no doubt a place where I fit in,
Our world,
No need for repair, changing, fixing
Love’s not worth a dime
till you can think
I am as I am…

In the words of Lady Gaga, “Be yourself, love who you are and be proud. You were born this way, baby.”

Project SAFE, or Project Reach Youth, is the name of the non-prof I work with through Americorps, & it is a *dope* program. Almost like mini-interns, these kids are becoming peer educators about comprehensive sexual education, utilizing the arts as a medium through which to express their views on the matter, learn and in turn educate others about safe sex. They have a dope site, Project SAFE, check it out!!
                                                

So during one of our group sessions, we start asking about questions they'd want to use to post for the Facebook Question tab. We end up getting some great questions, but the convo surrounding these questions was really awesome, and some real points came into play.

For example, the whole teen pregnancy issue. Of course, majority of the time, it tends to be the case that these pregnancies are unplanned, but what about those who, @ least for the most part, think or say they want a child: will teens having babies ever have a positive image? My youth felt, that, well, maybe in fact it could be an option for some, but definitely not all. And needless to say, they were aware (or as aware as anyone w/o children can be about being a parent) of the trials and tribulations of early motherhood, and this wasn't about the extreme cases of 10-yr olds having babies, nor the headliners who make a pact amongst a group of themselves to bring pregnancy fads to a town near you, but of young womyn who they felt could make the decision of sound mind to have a child. Nonetheless, they were also VERY aware of the fact that they themselves were NOT ready to be parents. *oh the smart darlings*
                                              

Something else: teen stereotypes. "Not all teens want to have sex. I don't!" One of the girls exclaimed this when we mentioned teen sex. Of course, another youth was like "And even if I do have sex, that doesn't mean everyone I know is doing it, or that I was peer pressured into it. I made the decision for myself, end of story." I tell you, I was grinning ear to ear. I LOVE that they are so free to express themselves, and at the same time, really have great arguments.
                              

Another topic that came up was porn, and the normalization that seems to be happening with it. Not in those exact words of course, but that was the general idea. A lot of them seemed to express that they didn't necessarily believe that porn was a 101-type program when it comes to sex, which was such a relief. They also really liked this one website, Make Love Not Porn. It basically breaks down a lot of the stigmas associated with porn, like "All womyn like getting sprayed with ejaculate in the face." Not to say that some people don't like that (not yuckin' the yum), but porn definitely can enfore false ideas of sex, especially if that's your one option when it comes to finding out about sex.
                               

All in all, the convo really boosted my spirits as to the level of consciousness these youth have these days. They really ARE on their game. They really get it. Don't despair America, our youth are on the rise. We just got to keep helping them get there when the goin' gets tough.

Peace &&Love all you safe-sex loving youth advocates!!!