Brother, Brother, there are far too many problems with the world around me but as I grow older I realize that I can not solve them all.  I try to so sometimes i wonder if my works are a waste of time. I got a little confirmation the other day that told me otherwise.

I am a member of Advocates for Youth as one of the members of the CAMI states. I live in Texas. Recently I went to the Urban Retreat in Washington, Dc and while I was there I was able to be fueled up with the energy for activism. While I was there I remember thinking and talking about all of the groundbreaking things that I was going to do when I got  back to my state. I thought of all the lives I would reach and all the awareness that I would bring. But months later as I look at what I actually accomplished I realized that it was basically nothing.

I am naturally very inquisitive so I wondered why I didn't get anything done. Was I too lazy, what are my real intentions, what are my real beliefs? I realized that a part of me cares a lot while the other part of me could care less. I think that sometimes it is more comforting not to care or get involved. I have had a lot of problems in my personal life and these problems consume me.

At times I believe that I decide to care less because I focus too much on the pains of the world and when I do that my heart grows weak. Since I do not blog a lot I do not expect many of you to know me but I will tell you that one of the most important people in my life is the father of my child and my life partner and he has been in prison for going on 6 years. As we speak he is locked in a cell for 23 hours out of a day and I know him well enough to know that he is not an animal or serial anything. Since he has been there I have realized that our US prison system is one of the most deranged and demented systems that I have ever seen.

As I fight for equal rights and equality and sexual freedom I often think about the prison systems where sexuality is not free and is mandated. A man can get written up for having an erection in prison but why don't people care? Did you know that in most prisons even federal especially in the backwoods states the inmates are allowed to receive Nuddie magazines that showcase White women but they refuse to accept magazines that showcase Black women. I never  thought I'd fight for the right for a person to receive a nuddie magazine but if I believe in equal rights I should believe in equal rights. I wonder what would happen if a man in prison tried to receive a nuddie magazine that only showcased men.

The reason that I wrote this blog is because this is the reason that I have been distracted from this fight that we fight as advocates for youth. This issue area is usually not presented in our conferences and not what we go in to lobby for but I believe that it needs to be inserted. This issue area is what makes me wake up on random days and call my Congressional leaders. This issue area makes me stay up and spend sleepless nights on Thomas.loc.gov reading new bills and taking extensive notes (and believe me, even in school I am not a note taker).

In prison, there seems to be an underlying rule that sexuality is outlawed and expressions of sexuality are prohibited. I jokingly told my husband that the next time I come to see him I am going to intentionally get kicked out so that I can sue the Bureau of Prisons. I will go in and follow all of their rules, I will dress in dress code and not touch him at all, but I will dance very expressively and make sexual gestures  towards him in my actions. I will get kicked out because I know the routine but my question is WHY???