My abstinence-only curriculum helped me make the decision to have unprotected sex for the first time with a guy whose name I can’t remember.


I grew up in Austin, Texas and got my sex education through an abstinence-only curriculum. In the 9th grade, when I got the weeklong sex ed talk from my health teacher (who moonlit as the boy’s football coach), I remember being overloaded with the word abstinence.

Despite the separation of church and state, I can recall my Coach reading quotes from Corinthians (a book of the Christian Bible) to teach about fornication and pre-marital sex. This caused a major conflict for me as a student because I was being taught that religion went hand in hand with sex education while also being taught that abstinence was the only way to keep me from getting pregnant (except in the context of immaculate conception)!

I was also taught that abstinence was the only way to keep me protected from HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections but he never addressed other ways of contracting infections outside of sexual intercourse. In fact, I only learned of this phenomenon after meeting a virgin that contracted HIV through a blood transfusion. In my school abstinence, though undefined, was embedded in our education.

Despite all the talks I got about the importance of abstinence, I still lost my virginity at the age of 15 on my best friend’s couch with a guy that I didn’t know. The reason that I decided to do away with my virginity was simple: My best friend lost hers. Since my education was abstinence-only, not only were we not taught how to use condoms but we were taught that using them was pointless because the failure rates of condoms were much more common than the rates of effectiveness. I did not learn about how to use condoms effectively or how to go about asking my partner to use one.

This was the first time I was able to see how my school-based sex education limited my ability to make good, sound decisions for myself. Since my education didn’t change, my actions did not change either. I went through high school and college being sexually active and taking great risks with my life by randomly using and not using contraceptives. The first few times that I had had unprotected sex and not gotten pregnant or an STI made me feel like I was invincible and gave me the “it won’t happen to me” attitude.

After years of unprotected sex with random partners, I finally met and committed to a man who fathered my first child. At the age of 19 I gave birth to my son. My son’s father had gotten in trouble with the law a month after I found out I was pregnant and got sent to a federal prison. During my pregnancy I sought out the information that I did not receive in school. I went to Planned Parenthood and learned about sexual health and wellness. I went to classes offered in my community about healthy relationships and setting personal boundaries. The education that I received was very comprehensive and covered a wide range of topics. It was during the time I spent educating and empowering myself and after being 100% sure I was in a relationship that I was prepared to remain in for the rest of my life that I decided to take a vow to remain abstinent until my son’s father came home and we were married.

Almost 5 years since I decided to abstain from any sexual contact, I find myself still holding strong and consistent in my decision to remain abstinent. My son’s father and I plan to be married late 2009. Although my life is proof that bad decisions can be prerequisites for difficult consequences, it also serves as proof that only through a comprehensive sex education can a person make a completely educated decision in their approach to sex.

I implore anyone reading this posting to advocate for comprehensive sex education in your cities. Your children, friends, families and students all have the right to get the best education that there is. Abstinence-only does not work because of its limitations. Since variety is the spice of life and comprehensive sex education offers education on a variety of topics, it is only natural to adopt a comprehensive sex education in your local school districts.

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