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Blog - Amplify your voice

Monday, April 19, 2010 at 9:25:00 AM EDT

Congratulations. You have written a column encouraging dudes to rape drunk girls, and it's now earning you 15 seconds of internet fame. Well played. I hope you're making the most of your moment.

Here's the thing though: you're using my body to do it. Your "edgy" little missive does more than puff up your resume -- it also tells the world that if I (or any woman) drinks in public, I've irrevocably consented to pretty much any sexual act with any guy I might make eye contact with, regardless of what I actually want to do with my own (admittedly drunk) body. So suffice it to say I take this a little personally, and I've got a few things to say about it.

First, don't kid yourself into thinking you're groundbreaking or even original. People have been telling women who "misbehave" that they deserve/secretly want "whatever happens to them" since the dawn of time. The threat of rape is one of the main ways women have been controlled throughout history. So, way to go on telling drunken sluts they asked for it. It's been such a taboo subject for so long. In Opposite Land.

Second, you really think poorly of straight men, don't you? Do you honestly think most guys can't tell the difference between a woman who's into having sex with him, and one who is freaked out, passed out, or too drunk to consent? Or is it that you don't think most guys care about the difference? Either way, that's cold. And, according to good research, it's also false - most rapes are committed by a very small minority of men, who know exactly what they're doing. The rest? They prefer to get down with women who are actually enjoying themselves. But why be bothered by a little thing called research when you're busy making a name for yourself on the internet?

Third, your editors should be ashamed of themselves for publishing your flimsy victim-blaming crap. Free speech is a legal standard, not a journalistic one. Journalists are supposed to, y'know, have ethics. And fact-checkers.

Fourth, and lastly, please go directly to hell. I have just as much right as any man does to go out and have a few drinks without having a violent felony perpetrated against me. I am sick to death of my body being used for the amusement of jackasses like you, even theoretically. You may think a scandal is good for your ego, or your career. You may even be right about that. But trading women's safety for a little notoriety is a deal with the devil if I ever heard of one. And I hope you pay.

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Comments
I read the first two columns you linked to. The third one had been taken down.
Everything you said about them is absolutely right. It's sick that there are men who think that way.
In the second column, he says (I'm paraphrasing) "Do they really expect us to ask "Is this okay with you?" during sex? What fun is that?" Are you kidding me?! Yes, that's exactly what you should ask, and yes, that's exactly what makes it fun because then you know that your partner likes what you're doing and you know that you're doing what your partner likes.
I hope these guys never have sex again. They don't deserve it, if they're going to treat their partners with such astounding disrespect.
# Posted By Mahayana | 4/19/10 01:49 PM | Report | Reply
Just FYI: The third article was taken down, but was reposted and commented on by another party.  The link to the repost is currently the only post in the "Comments" section of the page where the article was taken down.
# Posted By mcgiro | 6/9/10 06:59 PM | Report | Reply
Hear-hear! I second this!
# Posted By AFY_Meghan | 4/20/10 05:33 PM | Report | Reply
 Wow. There's a few more things I could add about that second article. Like this:
"Sex isn’t about contract-signing. It’s about spontaneity, raw energy and control (or its counterpart, surrender)."
Um, actually sex did used to be about contract-signing. You know, when men would sign away their daughter's rights to their husbands, with or without their consent, and when marriage contracts included "conjugal rights" saying the husband could have whatever, whenever. And if sex is all about control to you, fine, but to me it's about sharing. 
And then this:
"Worse yet: a gender-neutral sexuality can have no conception of the inherently gendered thrills of fetishism, sadomasochism, kink or cross-dressing. How blasé!"
As if feminists were the ones trying to place controls on other peoples' sexuality....

# Posted By allyouneedislove | 4/26/10 12:58 AM | Report | Reply