I am not a sex worker. But if I were in DC or NYC or San Francisco, I could be arrested on suspicion of being one. (And yes, I do wear some... provocative outfits sometimes, but that's not why.)

My longtime boyfriend and I broke up this summer. Once the dust had settled, and I began to brace myself for going back out into the dating scene, I bought myself a little present to help - a cute red vinyl condom case.

As soon as that case came, I filled it with the three condoms it's designed to hold, zipped it up, and slipped it in my purse. It goes with me everywhere - the grocery store, the office, the post office, the mechanic - not because I expect to get laid in the produce aisle, but because that way I know I'll always have 'em when I need 'em. It's a small reminder that the world is full of possibility, and I'm prepared to make the best of it. (And if something should happen to happen over the ripe melons, well, more's the better.)

But that's not how the city of Washington, D.C. sees it. In their eyes, I'm not a woman prepared for safe pleasure. I'm a woman who poses a public danger. That's right: my cherry-red condom case makes me a walking red-light district, because in some areas of D.C., carrying three or more condoms is grounds for arrest on prostitution charges.

Three. Three condoms. If you think there's a chance you're getting laid, and you're sleeping with someone who has a penis, why would you ever pack fewer than three condoms? What if one rips when you take it out of the package? What if you want to do it (*GASP*) twice? Three condoms is not a lot of condoms, people. IMHO, it's the bare minimum. I once used over a dozen in a particularly memorable weekend. And I still wasn't a sex worker.

And what if I was? As has been pointed out elsewhere, all this law (and laws like it in NYC and San Francisco) are doing is encouraging sex workers to not carry condoms. You know what that's going to do? It's not going to reduce sex trafficking. It's not going to improve the lives or working conditions of sex workers. It's not going to lock up abusers or pimps. It's going to spread disease. It's going to increase the spread of STIs (including HIV) among sex workers and their clients. And those clients will spread it even further out into the general population. And those of us who aren't sex workers but don't feel like risking arrest en route to a hot date? Some of us are going to carry fewer condoms and catch and spread more disease, too. And those of us who carry lots of condoms so we can distribute them and help other people stay safe? Well, we're obviously a criminal element, aren't we?

This law isn't helping sex workers or their clients or the general population (who are somehow harmed by sex workers... working?). The only people it's helping are the governments of the cities in which it's being implemented. It's helping them look Tough On Crime. Meanwhile people are getting fatal or incurable or even just painful diseases, people are getting pregnant when they'd rather not be, women are being trafficked against their will, and sex workers struggle with some of the worst working conditions of any profession.

But you know what all the people who will suffer and die because of this asinine law have in common? They're all people who are likely deliberately having sex outside of marriage. And the people who'll get arrested because of this asinine law? They're women having sex outside of marriage. (You think any cop's gonna arrest a dude for carrying three condoms?) And in the U.S., in 2010, people who have sex in ways the abstinence-only crowd and the Catholic Bishops don't approve of are obviously disposable. So sure. Criminalize condoms. You're not hurting anyone but the sluts, anyhow, and they're just getting what they already deserve.