Just like so many other things in America, as a culture we are simultaneously completely obsessed and utterly paralyzed by sex. However, despite our national infatuation and a perpetual inundation of sexual imagery and messaging, we seem to be missing the very thing that we all crave — really great sex. In the rest of the developed world, we lag behind our counterparts across a range of indicators — sexual health, satisfaction, quality, quantity, frequency — to name a few.

Of course, while I would normally prefer to silently judge this cultural phenomenon from the virtual anonymity of my laptop or lament it over cocktails with my posse of fabulousness — in the name of research, I am willing to cling to whatever shreds of dignity I have left and tackle our tangled web of taboo and temptation head on. You’re welcome.

So, honestly — wtf??? I think I speak for all of us when I say that if there’s anything America needs right now, it’s more orgasms. I like to entertain the possibility that a healthy, positive sex life and some semblance of sanity can actually coexist — instead of the catastrophe we have now. And if there was ever an eye in the center of said social maelstrom, well, your girl is standing in the middle of it. Even I, dear reader, am not immune to the undercurrent of American sexual hypocrisy.

Let’s discuss, shall we? It might seem obvious, but what I’m referring to is the gaping dichotomy between how we as a culture present ourselves to the world and what actually goes on inside our heads, hearts and minds. In the interest of openness and honesty, I warn you that I come from a middle-class, mid-20s (late? Dear. God.), white, fairly hetero viewpoint — although I consider myself anything but typical and my aforementioned “posse of fabulousness” is about as diverse as it gets without a quota.

I don’t pretend to speak for anyone else, but thematically, I think everyone can relate to what’s at the heart of these topics on some level — trends and conventions that defy traditional “double standards” and superficial, one-dimensional stigma. Trends like girls who maintain their virginity by only having anal sex; why a guy you’ve slept with is probably more likely to add you as a friend on Facebook than call you; why, despite all the trappings of a modern egalitarian society, we’re still playing the whore/player game; why an adamant feminist would squeeze herself into 4-inch stilettos and Spanx and pour hot wax on her bikini line; how suddenly it’s seemingly more feasible to anonymously post a Missed Connection on Craigslist than actually APPROACH someone; and why, drumroll please, some women STILL AREN’T HAVING ORGASMS.

Mind you, I’m not judging. Okay — who am I kidding?? OF COURSE I’m judging, which is what makes it fun. But what I mean to say is this examination will not be coming from a place of moral superiority whatsoever — after a few columns, you will understand why — but more so, what I’m hoping to investigate is the “why” factor — how did we get here, what the hell were we thinking and WHY.

A walking public service announcement myself, I like to think that my checkered past not only provides those around me with a consistent source of entertainment, but also keeps me from a more uncertain future — and most importantly, ensures that I’m a wiser, sexier, more open and understanding friend, partner and person when I get there.