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This question recently appeared in a blog, so I'm taking it on! But don't forget to send me your questions, too!
Is it right for a mother to hide her daughter from the world? Is it okay for a daughter to close her mother out?
I know a person girl who has no control over her own life. She is becoming a wreck because her mother refuses to let her go and explore the world. So does this make it wrong for my friend to sneak around? She is having sex and is falling into a depression. Some may think she is out of control but that's not the case. She is 17 and can't even go to the movies by herself or with friends because her mother is in fear of her being like her sister. Is that right? I thought she was her own person with her own choices and mistakes.
Ahh, the overbearing parent… This is common amongst parents who may have had an older child go astray. But, just as one tries to hold tightly to a wet bar of soap, it tends to slip out of your grasp every time. This is the case with your friend.
Although it’s not fair that she’s being punished for her sister’s mistakes, life is only 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.
The type of behavior that she’s displaying may be the reason why her mother enforces such strict rules. I don’t know if the egg came before the chicken or vice versa, but I do know that in order to be trusted she has to exhibit behavior that is trust worthy.
Instead of your friend sneaking around she should try being upfront and honest with her mom. Parent-child communication is the glue that holds the parent-child relationship together through the sometimes traumatic transition from adolescence to adulthood (please visit the Parent-child Communication section on the Advocates for Youth website for tips). She needs to voice her discomfort with the situation and explain the lengths it has caused her to go to establish her independence and the toll it’s taken on her mentally. If mom truly loves her daughter, and I think she does, she would be willing to hear her out. If this feat seems too much for her, I always recommend getting a second party involved i.e. a school counselor, a trusted friend… (hint hint..I'm talking about you, blog writer).
What’s most important is for her to get into the driver's seat of her life. We don’t do victims here! If she’s doing something that’s causing her to be depressed, she needs to stop doing it at once and seek help. Being self-destructive never helped any situation. There’s always a better way. Help her be more progressive in finding a solution to her problems.
If all else fails, hey, 18 is right around the corner. There’s always college… :)
vanessaaishacoleman
| 10/6/09 08:56 PM
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