I’m feeling a little inspired, a little ambitious, and heck, perhaps a little more liberated. I’m in the middle of reading A Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti. Trust me when I tell you that you need to go to Barnes and Nobles right now and get this book. Just buy it. Don’t ask questions.

 

Throughout the book, Valenti presents the question of virginity. What is virginity? Is it really “sacred”? When a teenage girl loses her virginity, does she lose her innocence? Is she no longer pure? According to the book, over 1,440 purity balls took place in 2007. Now, purity balls are extraordinary events in which a girl vows to “save herself” until marriage. The young woman, or the star of this ball, promises her father that she will not engage in intercourse until after she is married.

 

For those of us who have never had a purity ball of our own, and who might have already lost our virginity, we’re basically…doomed. Impure. Dirty little things.

 

Or at least that’s what society tells us. Abstinence-only education encourages young people, especially young girls, to “save themselves for their husband.” What does that even mean? I am supposed to save myself? If I have sex, I will have doomed myself?

Despite this global call for women to abide by virginal lifestyles, turn on the TV and you'll find 10 pin-up dolls relaying sexual messages in football games, reality TV shows, and even the news (particularly FOX news).

Now as a young woman who no longer fits into the perfect standard of purity, I have to say that this book is a must-read. For those who think differently, start to think about the concept of virginity, purity, sancticty, and admit that those three words are almost always synonymous with “woman.” In fact, many dictionaries even define the word “virgin” with “an unmarried girl or woman.” Understand the implications that virginity has on the high school girl who is labeled a slut after a harmless make out session; the woman from Pakistan who gets her hymen surgically reattached so she doesn’t have to suffer the consequences of a nonbloody bed sheet on her wedding night.

Virginity, or the theory that a woman’s morals and character lie between her legs, is an ancient myth that is used to shame women into abstinence. The belief that men prefer women who are “tight”, or otherwise virginal, is a double standard that goes beyond the bedroom. It’s a double standard that has it’s most serious consequences on the lives and health of young women across the globe. It wrongfully leads young women who have engaged in sexual activity to think less of themselves, to feel a drastic loss in confidence.

Take me, for example. I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend (who I'm still with, by the way) when I was 14. It was May 18, 2007. (I'm somewhat traditional and sexually conservative. May 18th is a day that I don't think I could ever forget.) When my father found out that I was having sex, chaos broke out. We never talked about it in detail. All I know is that he "expected more" and that I "should be ashamed" of myself. And I was. For a long time after he found out, I felt ashamed, humiliated, and reluctant to even talk about it. I felt dirty. Let me rephrase that: I was made to feel dirty. As time went on, and as my relationship with my boyfriend grew stronger, I began to question why. Why did I feel so "dirty"? I mean, I took a shower every day. I scrubbed myself well. I wore Tommy Hilfiger perfume. My shampooed my hair regularly. So what was the deal? Why did I feel ...well, dirty?

Don't get me wrong. Having sex is a big deal and it should be taken seriously and with respect. But it shouldn't discriminate. Young women who have sex shouldn't be made to feel dirty or impure. Young female virgins should have no advantage over young females who have already had sex. I mean, how many times to you hear a 14 year old sexually active boy say "I feel impure. I feel dirty,"? The only image you get of a young male virgin is a horny 13 year old with Playboy magazines hid under his bed. Even then, it's used for comedy. It isn't to be "taken seriously." But can you imagine a 13 year old girl with Playgirl magazines under her bad? She'd be "dirty." She'd be a "slut."

It's unfortunate, my friends. But it's real. Read A Purity Myth and I promise you will be enlightened and inspired.