A lot of people say “If you’re responsible enough to have sex, then you’re responsible enough to deal with the consequences (i.e., a baby). But here’s the glaring thing- you don’t have to be responsible at all to have sex. Anyone can have sex at any time. Wearing a condom is not required to be able to have sex. You should use a condom, and your decision to have sex should be considered responsibly, but irresponsible people have sex all the time. But the real problem is that too many people still think that the only, or main, reason to have sex is to make a baby.

You do have to have sex to get pregnant, but that is not why people have sex. There are a lot of reasons why people have sex, but I bet that “to make a baby” isn’t even in the top five. So, really, if someone has sex and unintentionally gets pregnant, why should they have to stay pregnant when that’s not what they intended or wanted to be? Why should they be stuck with a HUGE unexpected side effect?

Now, many will say, “If you have unprotected sex, you should expect to get pregnant.” And that’s true. But even if someone had been thoroughly educated on how to have safe sex and how women get pregnant and how to talk with their partner about protecting themselves, even then, is it really rational to force that couple to, at least, carry to term a baby they don’t want? Anyone who thinks that’s a rational, reasonable idea has never been pregnant.

Even if you decided to give the baby up for adoption, you still have to endure nine months of pregnancy. A lot of anti-choice people seem to forget that. They breeze right over the pregnancy part, as if they’re thinking, “Why wouldn’t a woman want to be pregnant?”

That’s so ridiculous. Being pregnant takes an enormous toll on your body, and that’s assuming that nothing goes wrong and that both mother and baby are healthy. It effects your personal and social life, your relationship with your partner and possibly your family (especially for teen moms), and your education and/or career. And what?- none of that matters because in the end the baby will be adopted?

Stop treating me and the rest of the female population like idiots. Stop telling us we’re being selfish when we say that we don’t want to be pregnant for nine months and deal with everything that goes along with it when we didn’t even want a child now anyway. And please STOP making laws that make it harder for us to carry out our decisions- decisions that have nothing to do with you.

There’s so much talk about responsible decisions about sex. And there should be. But what about responsible decisions about pregnancy? They’re not the same things. They are inherently related, but they are not the same things. Learning and talking about safe sex is vital, but we have to realize, as a society, that choosing to be sexually active does not mean that you are simultaneously choosing to become pregnant. When young people talk about deciding to have sex, they are not talking about deciding to get pregnant. That is the reality of our times. Having sex no longer means that you should expect to become pregnant.

That does not mean that unprotected sex won’t lead to pregnancy. It means that deciding to have sex does not mean that you decided to get pregnant and that if you do get pregnant, no one should be able to excuse forcing you to stay pregnant by saying, “You were okay with having sex. That means you’re okay with being pregnant.”

You should always, always, always use a condom when you have sex. It’s the smart, safe decision. But you know what- not every situation is perfect. Sometimes people get pregnant when they didn’t want to. But, because sex and pregnancy are separate decisions, your sexual experience is not a responsible basis for your pregnancy. When deciding to become pregnant, it would be irresponsible to base that decision solely on the fact of your sexual activity. It’s irresponsible to say “I enjoy sex. That must mean that I would enjoy pregnancy and parenthood.” As it turns out, sex and pregnancy do not go hand in hand. It’s about time we realized that.

~ Samantha