Recently, MTV launched their new season of “16 and Pregnant.” Usually, I avoid MTV, but I like this show. I wrote about their first season last July. I have seen two episodes so far, featuring Nikkole from Michigan and Jenelle from North Carolina. The thing that stood out to me the most was the same for both episodes- the boyfriends, Josh and Andy. Aside from being on track to be exceptionally poor fathers, they were both emotionally abusive boyfriends. They were selfish, demanding, disrespectful, rude, irresponsible boys who called their girlfriends names. They broke promises, cheated with another girl, and threatened physical violence. They wanted the girls to spend time with them instead of their friends. (Note: Some examples apply to both boys, some to just one, but I believe both were capable of all examples.)

The mothers of both girls wanted their daughters to have nothing to do with these guys. Both daughters, however, felt differently, and that was so sad to me, even more so than their poor decisions to not use condoms. They kept forgiving these guys for being complete jackasses, or kept ignoring or overlooking or “rationalizing” their reprehensible behavior. I can understand that they wanted to make an effort to work things out because these men (boys, really) are the fathers of their (super adorable) children. But, as their friends said again and again, “Do you really want to raise your baby with someone who treats you like that?”

I agree that children benefit when they’re raised by two parents, but at a certain point, having one parent is better than having an abusive second parent. Judging only from what I saw in each of the hour-long episodes, Nikkole and Janelle (and their sons) are better off without these guys. I understand that letting go of a bad guy is easier said than done, but if these young moms want to teach their sons how to respect themselves and how to treat the person you’re in a relationship with, they’re going to have to find the strength to get rid of these guys. If they want to show their children what a healthy relationship looks like and feels like, they’re going to have to end these unhealthy ones.

These girls are mothers, and there’s a lot being asked of them right now. I understand how they could think that having an abusive partner could be better than no partner at all, but they have to be aware that their decisions- their every decision- effects their child as much as they effect themselves. They have to decide what is best for their children. It’s a tough place to be, and I wouldn’t wish teen parenthood on anyone. But when teens do become parents, they have to put parenthood first. Those who can’t or aren’t willing to should consider adoption. It doesn’t mean that they are incapable of being good parents- they just might not be ready and/or able to yet. And there’s nothing wrong or blame-worthy about not being able or ready to be a parent. But, if you find yourself with a child, you should make sure that child is with a capable parent, whether that’s you or someone else.

I deeply hope that Nikkole and Jenelle, with the help and support of family and friends (because every new mom needs help), become wonderful mothers. I hope that their sons grow up healthy and happy. I hope that they find men who love them honestly and are willing and able to care for them and their sons. I wish them the best. But it’s going to be a long, hard road.

I also wish that Andy and Josh will mature into responsible fathers. But before they can do that, they must become responsible men. They have as much to learn as Nikkole and Janelle (who are doing so while raising their children). But for now, my opinion is that they need to learn their lessons separately.

If you don’t agree, watch the episodes for yourself and then let me know why you disagree. You can watch the full episodes online at the “16 and Pregnant” website.

Watching these girls deal with abusive relationships on top of dealing with a pregnancy made it so clear to me that we as a society must do a better job of teaching our young women what a healthy relationship feels/looks/sounds like. We need to empower young people so that they know that they are worth a partner who treats them with respect and affection. If I had a daughter, I would want us to watch “16 and Pregnant” together. I think it can be an excellent conversation starter, not just for talking about teen pregnancy and safer sex, but also relationship dynamics.

~ Samantha