Geno Zaharakis, the owner of a gay bar called Cocktail in “Boystown“, the gay neighborhood of Chicago, is turning away certain customers with a sign in the front window reading: “No Bachelorette Parties.”

Dion Contreras, a patron of Zaharakis’ bar, said to the Associated Press…

 “It is throwing it in our face that they can get married and we can’t.”
 “I just think they’re ignorant to our situation. I want women to think twice  about  this issue.”

Many gay bars, however, welcome bachelorette parties.

 Gay bars are popular with bachelorettes, both for the over-the-top drag shows that  some offer and for the ability to let loose in a place where women are unlikely to  be groped or ogled. Some bars welcome the women and their free spending, even  advertising weekend shows.

One bar, at least, is using this popularity to their advantage.

 In Washington D.C., when bachelorette partygoers enter the gay bar Town  Danceboutique they’re asked to sign a petition in support of gay marriage. Owner  Ed Bailey sends the petitions to the customer’s representative in Congress. Bailey  says in the year he’s had his petition policy, no one has refused to sign.

There’s a lot to think about here.

To start, I’ve never been to a bachelorette party at a gay bar, but I have, as a straight woman, gone to a gay bar with straight girlfriends and gay male friends to drink, dance, watch the drag show, and generally have fun. We never had any problems with not being welcome. Sure, we weren’t drawing attention to ourselves or obviously celebrating a friend’s upcoming marriage- we mostly kept to ourselves- but still, I never felt that anyone wanted me to leave just because I was straight.

Basically, I don’t think that straight people should be automatically banned from gay bars. If you can have gay people in “straight” bars, you can have straight people in gay bars. Of course, if you have a straight person harassing people or being violent in a gay bar, they should be kicked out, no question. They crossed the line. But saying that straight people shouldn’t be allowed in at all because of what might happen is wrong. If a straight person is in a gay bar, they most likely are there to have fun with friends and not cause any problems. The same is true for gay people in a straight bar- they’re there to have a few drinks and enjoy themselves.

But this issue, really, isn’t just about straight people in a gay bar. It’s about straight people celebrating marriage in a gay bar.

As of now, Illinois does not have legal marriage equality. We don’t even have civil unions. Yet. So maybe this issue would be looked at differently if the bar was in a state where it was legal for same-sex couples to get married. Maybe. (I’ll get back to that.) But isn’t it fair to say that since people in all states (I say all to include federal marriage rights) are fighting for marriage equality; since (mostly) all gay people want equal rights for marriage; that it’s a little hypocritical of gay people to want to get rid of the very thing they want for themselves? Can they really turn away bachelorette parties when what they want is the right to throw bachelor or bachlorette parties for themselves? If a group of women come into the bar wanting to celebrate an upcoming wedding, isn’t that something worthy of celebration, whether you’re straight or gay? If gay people want straight people to support their same-sex marriage, shouldn’t gay people have some respect for straight marriage?

Of course, there’s a line to be drawn here too. If the women in the bachelorette party are in fact harassing gay people and are indeed obnoxiously, rudely, and insensitively “throwing it in their faces” that they (the straight women)  can get married and they (the gay men) can’t, then yes, throw these women out right away. But, again, disallowing bachelorette parties because of what might happen, I think, is wrong.

So, backtracking a bit, how might this issue be different, or even a non-issue, if the state the gay bar was in did have legal marriage equality? As Mr. Zaharakis said in a statement…

 “Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed  the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it’s fair  or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at  Cocktail.”

Now, you’ll notice that he said, everywhere. Not just in Illinois.

Personally, I think that what Mr. Zaharakis is doing is discrimination, however justified. I understand his point of view, but I don’t think that excluding other people will make people want to include you.

I’m interested in what other people think about this, so let me know if you agree or disagree, or have a point to make that I’ve overlooked.

~Samantha