What makes a girl or woman a "slut"? And how is that different from what makes a guy a "slut"? And why is there a difference? Plus, is being a “slut” really a bad thing?

I am not someone to randomly have sex with someone I’m not in a committed relationship with. Some people are. Does that mean, male or female, that they’re a slut? What about people who want to have sex often, whether within a relationship or not? How about people who like to get tied up, spanked, blindfolded, or any other kink?

Well, as far as I’m concerned, just because someone wants to have sex and wants to enjoy it, doesn’t mean they’re a slut. They’re just human. So where does this “slut” idea come from? And why?

According to dictionary.com, the word “slut” means:

1. A dirty, slovenly woman.
2. An immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.
3. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous
4. A dirty, untidy woman.

The first thing that struck me was the use of the word “dirty.” The second was that each of the four definitions include the word “woman.”

What about the men? Even if the meaning and/or implication of the word has changed slightly over time, it still means basically the same thing. Being a “slut” is a negative thing relating to women and sex. So I ask again; what about the men? Why is it the implication that it’s only women who can be viewed negatively when it comes to sexual practices? Why are there so many negative words to describe a woman who enjoys having sex, and no negative words, that I can think of, that specifically describe a man of the same persuasion?

What is so threatening about a woman who enjoys sex?

Why is it that when men enjoy and pursue sex it’s natural, yet when a woman does it, she’s “dirty?” Really, what’s the worst that could happen when a woman admits that she likes sex and wants to have it? How will society crumble? The answer is, it won’t. It will just be more honest. So why aren’t women being honest? Or, more accurately, why did it take women so long to be honest about liking sex? What held us back?

I’m gonna take a swing and say it was men. For whatever reasons, men have oppressed women for centuries. Even today in parts of the world, women are regarded and treated, socially and legally, as less than men. Don’t worry now, this blog post isn’t an “I hate men” tantrum. Really, it’s not. I don’t know why history worked itself out this way, but it did. No one can really deny that. My point is that for too long women accepted their status as second-class citizens. In recent decades, this has changed dramatically all over the world. In America, women have equal rights as men, and are claiming their sexuality more and more every day.

Yet, many of these women still get called sluts. Why? And why, as women claim their sexual rights and freedom, do they still have to defend themselves against men who feel and act the same way? Why can’t we look at a sexually active woman as a person who is accepting of their desires, confident in their abilities, unapologetic about their human nature, and straight-forward about pursuing their wants?

If being a slut is being the woman just described, being a slut isn’t a bad thing. Just misunderstood. I’m not talking about extreme behavior here. I’m talking about normal, natural human behavior.

As women, we can no longer allow ourselves to feel ashamed or dirty for wanting what we want. We shouldn’t have to hide our desires in fear of the way other people will view us or judge us. We are who we are, we feel what we feel, and honesty is honesty. If you like sex, say so! If you want to have sex, say so! Claim it. Own your desires. Show the world that a woman who likes to have sex is called a woman- not a slut.

And men- encourage your girlfriends or wives to be who they are, in bed or out. Encourage your female friends to confidently acknowledge their wants, whatever they may be. And don’t call a woman a slut because she is comfortable and open with her sexuality- that’s just stupid, and won’t get you anywhere.

I’m not saying the word is never appropriate. I’m saying it has been misused and abused, and that needs to stop.

~ Samantha