College was my first real introduction to the world of sex. While I was not raised in a conservative family, nor was I brought up to stay "pure" until marriage, sex was not something my family spoke about (or at least my mother--all my questions on sexual health fell to my father, and one can only imagine just how awkward that is on your teenage daughter). In fact, I didn't even know what a "virgin" was until the end of fifth grade.

Thinking back, my discrimination really started back in high school, when "frienemies" would ask me if I had ever "fingered" myself, preferred my men with or without a foreskin (at the time, I had not come out as questioning in both my gender and sexual preference), and would chuckle whenever I turned bright red.

However, moving into a dorm when everyone is away from the influence of their parents as well as what society considers "right" and "wrong", sex was a very popular topic in conversation. The talks never did make me uncomfortable, but when my peers began to speak about their sexual activities in more detail than I'd ever want to know, just to garner a reaction out of the "virgin", it was only then I became aware of just how outnumbered I really was, and not because of my virginal status.



It was shocking to them when I admitted that I had never "formally" masturbated, nonetheless for the sake of orgasm. Fortunately, my roommate was understanding and never pressed the matter any further of how "wrong" I was, but others did not take the same stance.

I was immediately told that "I should try it sometime" or asked "well, why the hell haven't you?", and each time, the reason, I thought, was a simple one. I'd like to say that it's because I don't want to pass on so many genetic problems and abnormalities to my future children, or even because I cannot make the first move on a person I like. The truth is that I am scared of sex. There. I said it. I am scared of sex. Why, I do not know, but the whole concept frightens me. I am told constantly that "it will happen when you find the right person", but I'm really not so sure. It wasn't until someone I had thought respected my choices began to pressure me to experiment sexually.

I began to doubt myself, wondering if I was really "normal", whether having sex in college was some sort of "rite of passage". After all, the media does not glorify the college-aged virgin often, and when it does, it is for the sake of that virgin being "deflowered". Even my mother, though while not blatantly, began to pressure me, even if it might have been unintentional. She would point out pregnant young women stating that "this is why you must stay on your birth control pills, so you don't turn out like her" (even though I take the pill to control my bleeding disorder). Perhaps she was just trying to be helpful, but what she had put into my brain was that she expected me to have sex in college.

She still does not know of my personal opinion and choices.

Even now, I do feel some kind of personal guilt that I have never engaged in any sexual activity, even if it's through no fault of my own. However, slowly I am realizing that I don't need to have sex to get through college, or even to be accepted by some of those in the "in" crowd. Besides, my education comes first. There's always time to reconsider later.

The choice is your own. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.