Leah627
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Money is tight in this recessionary year, and, since I plan on attending college come the fall, a $3.7 million payment for a few hours of "work" could seem like a pretty good deal. As many have already heard after the media explosion this week, Natalie Dylan, a 22-year old recent women's studies graduate of Sacramento State University, is auctioning off her virginity to pay for a degree in family and marriage counseling. The bidding (so far) has topped at $3.7 million, and has attracted over 10,000 bids.
Now, in my quest to pay for college, auctioning off my sexuality or my body would never have entered my mind. Perhaps it's because I don't view my sexuality as an object, or maybe, despite my constant exposure to the often-crazy ideas of the media and much of society, I fail to realize windows for entrepreneurial opportunities. It is a sad commentary on social attitudes toward sex and virginity that a woman's "purity" would be valued so much higher than her experience and practiced skill.
Frankly, I am appalled and frustrated at this news story, but my negative feelings are not directed toward Ms. Dylan. Rather, I am frustrated with the world's obsession with virginity, the notion of "taking a woman's virginity," and the fact that women without fully intact hymens would beg a lesser sum. Because let's face it: even "high-profile" sex workers such as Ashley Dupre (made famous by Eliot Spitzer), barely receive a fraction of the sum coming to Natalie Dylan. Like so many other things in our society (Girls Gone Wild, for example), a virginity auction publicizes sexuality as an object to be bought, used, and then discarded. After Ms. Dylan's romp with the "lucky winner," she will become "lesser," losing her "hot commodity" status in the eyes of these men who now so actively seek her on the Internet.
It also gives legitimacy to the "mythical virgin." What exactly is a virgin, anyways? If Ms. Dylan has previously engaged in oral or anal sex, are her buyers getting ripped off? Planned Parenthood refrains from using the term "virgin" at all due to its loaded connotations. Sadly, the mystery and intrigue that orbit the idea of virginity will not be easy to dispel. In some cultures, women who fail to prove their virginity upon consummating their marriage face fatal consequences.
I suppose it was silly of me to disregard the financial gain inherent in this hymen-obsessed world: My head spun when I learned today that Gigimo, an online sex-products store, sells an Artificial Virginity Hymen for $14.90. Yes, you read that correctly. Oh. My. God. The picture reveals a "blood"-spattered plastic package, and the site enthusiastically pitches the product:
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable.
I shudder just reading about it. Am I the only one who finds the Artificial Virginity Hymen's placement alongside the "Jackrabbit Vibrator" on the Gigimo website ironic? Here is a website offering pleasure and sexual freedom to women, while at the same time advertising a product that promotes traditional, misogynistic notions of purity and womanhood. After all, I have yet to hear of a man questioned about his virginity, or of a man advertising the fact that he has never engaged in penetration.
True, maybe the Artificial Virginity Hymen offers an effective solution to women who are concerned about the repercussions of their pre-marital sex being uncovered. It is my hope, though, that we reach a point where Artificial Virginity Hymens become a twisted novelty, not a product in high demand on China's black market. I hope that our country chooses to put money into education, so that women like Natalie Dylan don’t need to think so far outside of the box in order to pay for their education. I hope that men choose to value women for their actual worth-- a worth that has nothing to do with the state of her hymen and that no one can put a price tag on.
But legal questions aside....
How i do hope this is a women's studies major's idea of a sick joke. I really hope that Dylan wants to see just how much virginity is worth in our culture. As i write, though, I realize that my comments reflect the first stage of grief....denial. So let me move right along to the next stage...anger. WHAT IS THIS PERVERSE FASCINATION WITH VIRGINITY!?! And what does it mean that we live in a society in which it is feasible and lucrative for a women to auction her virginity in order to pay for her education!?! I am all for sexual-self determination, but this is not how i envision it for myself or my community. (was that bargaining?)
In terms of the fake hymens I wonder if they provide a low cost non-surgical alternative to hymenoplasty-- a highly contested surgical procedure that restores the hymen and gives the illusion of virginity. For some Muslim women a hymenoplasty may be desired in order to fulfill her marriage obligation to her husband. As a secular and westernized woman, I feel it is not my place to comment as to the role of virginity in Muslim religion/culture. But I do feel committed to seeing that NO WOMAN (or person) should be degraded or fear violence on account of her sexual choices. Perhaps fake hymens could provide reassurance to women who fear their choice to have sex before marriage is damaging to their new relationship. (this is definitely bargaining)
UGH.....there are no words.
But ya know, in these economic times (and anytime, really) I could use $3.7 million. But, I wonder what the intangible cost(s) of selling my virginity might be......
I agree that no person should be degraded or oppressed due to their sexual choices, among other things. I also agree that the cultural practice of devaluing a person based on their sexual status is unacceptable.
When it comes to comparing hymenoplasty to this sex toy, well these are two very different situations. Hymenoplasty is borderline genital mutilation in response to a misogynistic cultural expectation. The Artificial Virginity Hymen is a sex toy, bought by choice by a person to enhance or alter their sexual experience. It is likely that the product is intended more for sex play and fantasy, or possibly for a very clever sex-worker scam. I'm not saying it isn't possible that someone would buy this product to try to "replace" their virginity or to protect themselves. I'm also not saying that the product isn't created from a virgin-fetishizing construct. I just think a product someone can buy from a western store is nothing close to women being subjected to surgery in another country.
and to think she's just gotten a degree in counseling. I sure hope she puts it to good use in her own life.
Dylan will have sex for the first time at a Nevada brothel, The Moonlite Bunny Ranch, to skirt the illegality of prostitution. We'll see how this plays out...
This idea of a “virgin” is something that excites men. “She doesn’t know the difference between good sex and bad sex, so I’ll seem good either way.” In other ways, it’s a sort of sexual power trip, being the one responsible for deflowering her, and to some, ruining her. “Getting the goods before they’re picked by someone else.”
Whether it’s a fetish of power or a woman’s personal desire to feel pure, the exploitation of “virgins” is a setback in the 'un-objectification (reification?) of women'. It’s a sad thing to see a young woman so desperate that she’ll treat her body like something that is to be discarded.
She acknowledges the fact that if she was simply selling sex, she’d be a run-of-the-mill prostitute. But she holds something most prostitutes don’t --- her v-card.
This “precious item” is transforming from a personal decision and right into a misogynistic throwaway. We can only hope that this is a shock to all young people, and not a source of inspiration.
I don't love it, because while she is exposing some ridiculousness in our culture, by doing this she is also furthering that ridiculousness. However, she is forcing the conversation and seems to be making an informed decisions- who are we to judge?
I would be lying if the who thing didn't make me a little uncomfortable. Yes, my first reaction what "Dude, she might regret that." But that reaction is stemming from the cultural programming I have been exposed to that says sex work is not ok. After a minute I got over it and realized that Dylan is really f*ing smart.
What Dylan is doing is really pretty practical. And from the looks of things, she is probably setting up all kinds of precautions and screens to ensure her personal and psychological safety. I commend her on her psychological ability to compartmentalize herself and use the things she has to get what she wants.
She is taking a cultural fetish and using it in her favor. Sex work is shunned but only because people are uncomfortable with sex. Thinking from a sex-positive stand point, what Dylan is doing is really no big deal. She's just having sex for money, a lot of money.
Virginity is fetishized and I understand the frustration with that reality, especially among those who are included in the target population related to the fetish, i.e. virgins. It can be aggravating and distressing to be fetishized because it makes a person feel like an object. The virgin fetish is often more aggravating than most fetishes because so much culturalization and sexism is involved in both its creation and promotion.
When the obsession with virginity is used to oppress people, as it frequently is, then it is definitely a problem. There is another side to it though. Fetishes and sexual play can be fun, and downright healthy. There are a lot of people who include virginity or "first time" play in their sexuality. It does come from a cultural construct, but it isn't used to oppress anyone. I also want to separate from this statement "first time" focused pornography which exists on a large scale running between consensual and exploitative, and can not always have the same conclusions drawn about it.
~Samantha