Jill's Amplify Diary

My Love Letter to Feminism

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:13:00 -0500

There’s about a million and one things that I want to do with my life at this point in time.

I can still feel myself buzzing from the success of the play that I helped to put on. (More on that soon, promise!) I want to take that show and blow it up, make it bigger and better and do it again and again until I have reached out to so, so many more people.

I want to work with Rape Crisis Centers and find some way to educate men and women to the point where we all understand what rape is and how we can avoid it. (The only answer? Rapists need to stop raping.)

I want to be a sex therapist, I want to help women and men who struggle to accept their bodies and let themselves feel good.

I want to do family counseling, specifically I want to help families to accept their children, or siblings, or cousins, or partners who are different from them (maybe even queer, if you will, in some way.)

I want to work with eating disorder survivors, helping to broaden the definition of eating disorders to something that comfortable fits the experiences of everyone who suffers, and then find a way to end that suffering for them once and for all.

I want to work for a suicide prevention hotline.

I want to write novels for young teen girls that encourage them to be smart and bold and to love themselves just as they are while they never, never stop reaching for their impossible dreams.
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Shop Positive

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 23:00:00 -0500

(I decided to keep posting body image-related stuff from my past today -- since I am so busy with this play project that I mentioned on my other blog post. I can't wait until it is over and I can reflect here on Amplify and hopefully even share some video clips!)

A recent class discussion on body image really got me thinking. The professor shared a very apt analogy about pants and how they can make or break someone’s whole day. She asked us to think about our skinny pants; the pair that most people have, the pair of pants that make you elated when you can fit into them and miserable when you can’t… for some people those pants spell out the climate of their whole day. She likened life to those pants; some days, they fit, everything goes right and you love yourself; other days, you can hardly you’ll them over your hips, you feel defeated and huge…you wonder why anyone would even want to look at you. Its scary how easily I could relate to this metaphor.

This is when I began to wonder why it had to be this way. In the last few months I have made great strides in feeling better about my body, loving every inch of it… but even I still had that size-too-small pair of skinny jeans just sitting and taunting me in the drawer.
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<3 Have a Healthy Heart

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 23:14:00 -0500

Earlier this month, my school celebrated Go Red for Women day with a table that attempted to raise awareness about heart health for everyone. While I appreciated their efforts, I felt as if the event left a lot of very important, yet underreported, information out so I decided to remedy that here! This is coming a little bit late for the national holiday but that's okay, heart health is definitley important enough to talk about any time of the year.

I was incerdibly surprised to learn this, but, according to the U.S National Library of Medicine the symptoms that women tend to display when having a heart attack are often different than the ones doctor’s usually associate with heart disease. Although chest pain is the most common heart attack symptom in women and men, women can also have a heart attack without having any chest pain; women also often lack the radiating left-arm pain that is commonly associated with heart attacks.

Fatigue, nausea, shoulder and jaw pain, headaches, and muscle spasms are all heart attack symptoms that show up in women much more often than in men; since many of these symptoms can be attributed to stress, heart disease is often overlooked in women.
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Mirror Image

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:37:00 -0500

I'm posting a body positive piece today because (hopefully) this week I'm going to be premiering a monologue show about body image that a bunch of students at my school helped to produce! It's a project I have been working on for almost a year now and I am really excited to see it become a reality :) The show is part of an Eating Disorder Awareness Campaign that we're doing at my school - I'll try to blog more about it later in the week! But for now, here's part of one of the monologues I wrote:

I remember coming home in tears, hating myself over the fact that I’d been made fun of on the bus in middle school for my hairy legs. I remember wearing jeans even in the summer because my “thunder thighs” embarrassed me more than I was willing to expose. I remember purposely buying tight tank tops to wear underneath clothing to suck in my “gut.” I remember counting calories in a little blue notebook to the point of obsession, the point where I finally just had to say STOP, I’d rather keep the ten pounds then lose my sanity along with them. I remember wondering if boys wouldn’t date me, girls wouldn’t befriend me, because I was too heavy, too hairy, too ugly. Like millions of other people of all ages and sizes, I keep these thoughts locked deep within my heart; luckily for me, unlike many others, these thoughts are only memories.

Transitioning to college was a strange and exciting experience, however, the biggest change for me wasn’t sharing a room, spending so much time on out-of-class work, eating in a dining hall, or even being away from home… the biggest change for me was a mirror. At first it was funny: why would someone ever place a full length mirror in the bathroom, directly in line with our toilet? Then it was a bit annoying: why do I have to watch myself pee? Eventually, it became enlightening.
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I'm More Than a Vagina, Okay Bill?

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 23:17:00 -0500

Watch the video here first, then read my post!

Look Bill, I’ve avoided calling you (and Rush, and Glenn Beck, and all of your conservative friends) out on this for awhile. But enough is enough. Let me say this nice and slowly for you, so we can move on:

The fact that Palin and I both have vaginas does not mean that I have to agree with her.

It does not mean that I have to defend her, when I feel she is wrong.

It does not mean that I have to like her.

It does not mean that I have to vote for her.

It does not mean ANYTHING except that we both have vaginas, same as over half of the population. It’s really not that rare… certainly not to the point where every vagina-having-person should have to stick together in some sick sorority. I mean, honestly, how would that even work? I can’t agree with both Palin and Clinton at the same time and yet… we all have vaginas so… I have to agree with them both? For that matter, every time Palin took a shot at Clinton, was she somehow betraying the covenant of the vagina? Or does she have immunity because she’s on your side Bill?

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9 Easy Ways to Go Green!

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:21:00 -0500

Inspired by the post I wrote awhile back about sustainability, I decided to continue on an environmental train of thought for a bit since, honestly, I don't think one blog on this topic is enough! Thus, I bring you this short & sweet list of simple ways to be more sustainable. Let's see how many of these we can incorporate in the next week!

1. Pee in the shower. I'm not even kidding. Toilet flushing makes up nearly 27 percent of indoor water use in a home, on average peeing in the shower once a day saves around 1157 gallons of water a year!

2. Purchase and use re-usable shopping bags (or just save the disposable ones and bring them back with you) whenever you go purchase something. If you buy something small, forgo the bag and toss it in your pocket or purse.

3. If you get a period, consider using a menstrual cup in lieu of tampons and pads. Not only are they more environmentally friendly (think of all of the plastic/paper/etc. that you throw out each month), they're also more friendly to your body. There's no risk of toxic shock syndrome when you use a menstrual cup, because they don't contain the chemicals that tampons do (they're dyed white etc.) Also, think of the money you will save when you're not buying pads/tampons every month!

4. Start a scrap paper bin and throw all of those annoying class handouts, fliers, or whatever pieces of paper you're given but never use into it - then, when you need to jot something down really quickly, you'll know what to use! (And recycle when you're done, of course.)

5. Make it a point to start unplugging your electronics when you're done with them, especially at night when you're headed to bed! Needlessly wasting electricity is not cool. Not to mention - don't forget to turn off lights, heaters, and so on when you leave a room. Personally, this is one I need to work on!

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One Note Project

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 19:16:00 -0500

Today has been a discouraging day. The large pile of homework sitting in front of me, coupled with all of the intolerance I've found myself witnessing lately has really brought me down. So I decided to take a break, and try to cheer myself up the best way I know how... by starting a project on a whim that attempts to change the depressing atmosphere around me by encouraging others to engage in small acts of kindness and love. It was either that, or buy myself a chai latte! ;)

This is a short blog post because nothing has happened yet, but I'd really like it if you all could check out (and maybe participate) in the little chain of happy thoughts that I am trying to start!

Quoted from my personal blog:

After finishing a post- secret for homework in one of my classes, I took out an extra index card and wrote a message on it that challenges the finder to brighten someone else’s day (how vague can I get, right?) and then pass the challenge on to someone else.

At the bottom of that message I decided to direct people here.

Why don’t you do the same?

If we all make an index card with an instruction, and then place it somewhere random. We could start a revolution! (Or, at the very least, make someone smile.)

Then people can come back here, and post what they did and how they passed it on.

How big will it get? Only one way to find out…

CLICK HERE TO PARTICIPATE :)

I know this isn't the most orignial project, but at least its something. Writing for Amplify and being a part of this community has inspired me so much in recent months to take my frustrations and turn them into something positive - I hope organizing this can be a way of giving some of that inspiration back.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, everyone :)

Helping Heal from Sexual Assault

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 11:06:00 -0500

(I wrote this a long time ago for my old blog, but I feel like its one of the best things I've written as well as the most important... so I edited it a lot and then posted it here for you because I really feel that this deserves a wider audience!)

During a discussion that I had about domestic violence and sexual assault today I began to think about just how little information there is out there for those who have loved ones dealing with sexual assault and domestic violence. All too often, well intentioned loved ones end up hurting both the survivor and themselves due to a lack of knowledge, and their struggles to deal with their own emotional stress. I hope that this article can serve as a resource for those who are struggling to care for loved ones who have been abused.

There is only one thing you have to remember when caring for a loved one: your job is to empower.

Rape and Domestic Violence are not crimes of passion, they are crimes of power. Abusers are not so overcome with lust or rage that they abused; as evidenced by the fact that abusers can stop when they feel they are in risk of being caught, and abusers only abuse those who they feel are too weak to fight back. For instance, a domestic abuser would never strike their boss or someone else with power over them, which indicates that it is not the abusers temper that causes them to abuse, but rather a desire to control the victim.

For these reasons the most important part of a survivor’s recovery is their regaining the power that was taken from them through the abuse. Thats why I make it a practice to refer to those who have suffered abuse as survivors, rather than victims, whenever possible – yes, they have been victimized, but what the focus should be on is their ability to survive their attack and become stronger through their experiences.

What a loved one can do is to help a survivor in the process of gaining that power back for themselves. Obviously, this process and the actions a loved one can take will differ case by case but to start, I have provided a few guidelines to keep in mind…
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Imperfect, or I'm Perfect?

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 00:41:00 -0500

I'm fairly sick this week, and a stuffy head is not really conducive to writing. Thus, you get this... a post that has been hanging around in my harddrive since last March. I have no idea why I never put it up but, whatever, here it is!

I used to comfort myself with the idea that, one day, someone would fall in love with me in spite of my imperfections and see the beauty in me... and then they could help me see the beauty in me.

I'm not going to lie, that happened, but looking back I wonder why I felt that I needed someone else to love me before I could really love myself. The truth is, I didn't and neither do you!

Just for today, why don't YOU try to be the "someone else out there" who finds you beautiful...

Its time for us all to stop worrying about our imperfections. I want to share this image that I was introduced to via Sociological Images...

As cheesy as it sounds, its time for us to stop worrying about being imperfect, no one is perfect. The truth is, its our imperfections are what make us interesting, unique, and loveable... your imperfections are ab important part of you, so stop beating yourself up over them! Its time to stop reaching for this constantly changing, always fleeting idea of perfection and accept the thing that you are perfect at... being you!
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What We Talk About When We Talk About Eating Disorders

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 19:15:00 -0500
As a psychology student, I understand why psychologists feel that labels and standards are important; however, as a woman who knows many people who struggle with disordered eating (including myself) I hate the way the psychology community treats eating disorders.
For instance, one woman in the comments of an article I read* has gone through several diagnoses, from anorexic to exercise bulimic to EDNOS**, depending on which doctor was treating her at the time; because she felt as if the psychiatric community could not help her figure out conclusively what was wrong with her this woman ended up alienated from therapy and, thus, forced to heal largely on her own. This is not good.
Eating Disorder diagnosis and standards are useful tools; they help psychologists to have a universal understanding of what a patient is going through, for one, and they also help people to figure out what they are suffering from and how to begin treatment. However, the strict category model currently used by the DSMIV is also incredibly problematic.
I have friends and relatives who have struggled with disordered eating. For that matter, I've struggled with a disordered relationship to food off and on for my whole life. If there's one thing I know, its this: no two people with an eating disorder look or act the same. Eating disorders, at least in my opinion, are a lot less about behaviors and a lot more about mental processes. What do I mean by that? It's simple.
Lets take Weight Watchers as an example. A person who has a healthy relationship with their body and food can go on Weight Watchers and lose weight without losing themselves; that's not necessarily true of someone with an eating disorder. The last time I went on Weight Watchers I did it for a week and three days exactly before I quit and never looked back. I did this because I knew the way I was behaving was not healthy: I was obsessing over food, making graphs and calculating points for hours each of those days, I was pushing myself to eat less and less points each day, and I felt horrible if I ate up to my points limit for the day. Essentially, my thought processes behind the healthy diet became incredibly unhealthy. I wasn't eating a dangerously high or dangerously low amount of food, nor was I exercising excessively... what I was doing was obsessing, and hurting myself with my own thoughts. I may not have had an eating disorder in the traditional sense, but I certainly needed guidance to help me rectify my disordered thinking about food.
Most people I know have a story like mine; many of them have stories much more intense then mine. I was lucky, my experience ended fairly positively as I found a therapist who could help me feel comfortable with my body and my food choices, and my parents found a way to finance that therapy. Unfortunately, due to strict insurance policies and even stricter diagnosis guidelines many people's stories do not end like mine.
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Focusing Aid on Women: Misandrist Plot or a Push for Equality?

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 00:25:00 -0500
So I'm sure most of you know by now that many of the Men's Rights blogs out there are FREAKING OUT right now because several organizations, like MADRE, have made a commitment to focusing their aid efforts in Haiti on women and children. If you're not familiar I'll let the blogger at The Spearhead explain his take on this situation:
However, some relief groups have decided that women deserve more aid, and have come up with a number of reasons why men should be left to die from injuries and disease while women get preferential treatment.

[...]

It is not clear whether such discrimination in the wake of disaster is legal in Haiti. In any event, if men are needlessly dying because these women’s groups are hoarding supplies for women only, the Haitian government should send troops in to seize the supplies and distribute them equally to needy men and women alike. That would be a true act of mercy.
This may seem like a valid, if blown out of proportion, argument at first glance. However, there are a few reasons why I am incredibly reluctant to give creedence to the people complaining about MADRE and like organizations.[More]

Why I Am Pro-Choice & Proud

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:41:00 -0500
I call them anti-choicers because that is what they are. Some people claim this is the same as them calling me anti-life, but its not. Its not, because I am pro-life... who isn't? I think senseless killing is wrong; which is why I am a pacifist, I care about animal rights, about anti-violence initiatives, and about gun-control. You know what I'm not about, though? Controlling other women's bodies and lives.
If faced with a pregnancy I'm honestly not sure if I would adopt or carry to term, my own feelings about conception, life, and adoption are far too complex for me to ever know how I would react to this situation (only being in the situation, honestly, would let me know.) However, regardless of the choices I would make, I respect other women far too much to try and force my own choices, my own views, onto them.
That's why I'm pro-choice. I don't like the idea of abortion but, even more than that, I don't like the idea of a world where a pregnant woman is not in control of her own body and not allowed to make decisions about whats forming inside of her body.
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New Years Resolutions

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 23:04:00 -0500

The following comment (made by user kellieherson) on this Jezebel article really got to me when I spotted it a few months ago, because I feel like it sums up almost exactly what I was going for with Self-Esteem Awareness Month:
I can only speak to my own experience, but I think it's a pretty common one regardless of body type: I've always felt like my body belonged more to everyone else than it did to me. They were clearly thinking about it more, and they seemed to think they were the authority on it. Luckily, I realized early in puberty that the best I can do is just say "fuck that" and take care of my body the best I can-- feed it, clean it, clothe it, whatever. That's all. (Having blissfully un-body-conscious parents helped.)
I bookmarked this quote to use over three months ago and promptly forgot about it, yet when I unearthed it again today it still rang true, possibly even more so than when I first discovered it. To put it quite frankly: my self esteem has been fairly low in the last few days. You'd think putting together a play about body image (more on that later) as well as blogging constantly about body acceptance would leave me feeling pretty damn good, but, I suppose you'd be wrong.
I blame my jeans: I've had two pair rip in the last month due to age. That's about 1/2 of my jeans collection (at least the ones that still fit) which meant, you guessed it... a shopping trip was in order. Now, its no secret that I love clothes. I have an embarrassingly large collection of skirts, dresses, and shirts and I spend way too much of my limited down time making up no outfits for fun, I guess its my guilty pleasure. That said, I hate shopping for pants. I carry most of my weight in my stomach, meaning that pants are the one thing that always need to be at least one size bigger than my typical dress size, add in the fact that almost every pair of pants I buy is too long and the fact that women's pants sizes vary based on brand and cut... is it any wonder I hate this?

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Trivial is in the Eye of the Beholder

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:52:00 -0500
I found this really interesting:
The Associated Press, a news service subscribed to by news outlets all over the world, distributed a story about the first Obama Administration State Dinner. In the story, sent in by Elisabeth R., Samantha Critchell describes Michelle Obama’s dress as “flesh-colored.” She writes:

"First lady Michelle Obama chose to wear a gleaming silver-sequined, flesh-colored gown Tuesday night to the first state dinner held by her husband’s administration. "

[via Sociological Images]
Things like this may seem small in a way, some of the commenters on the original blog post, which analyzed this image/caption within the context of "whiteness" as America's standard default, seemed to feel as if the analysis was unimportant and unnecessary.

For reference, here are some of the comments left on the post:

Dan 10:45 am on November 29, 2009: It’s just bad writing. Banal. Sophomoric. Nothing more. I’m sure you believe this is insightful, but you’re merely elevating the trivial.

ryan 11:04 pm on November 29, 2009: Wow, people really care?
Now, granted, most of the comments on this post were supportive (I would expect as much from a blog devoted to analysing Sociological phenomena) but those few negative voices really stuck with me: mostly because I'm used to hearing them so damn often.[More]

Just The Facts, Ma'am

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 17:26:00 -0500
I got a funny petition today, from a friend, in my inbox. Funny, because it claimed that Obama was pushing to make it so that illegal immigrants could recieve Social Security benefits. At the same time as this was funny, to me, because my friend sent it to me so that I could laugh at it... it was sad, at the same time because the particular copy that I recvieved had been digitally signed by over nine hundred people. Over nine hundred people who actually believed this was true.

This reminds me of Prop 8 in California, which passed (partially) because a lot of people didn't bother to fact check. Many people didn't even know what they were voting for because the amendment was confusingly worded. Even worse, however, is the fact that many people knew they were voting to prevent equal marriage, but did it because they were afraid of made up concequences. For instance, the idea that their church would be forced to perform same-sex marriages; this claim, made by anti Prop-8 smear campaigns, was completley untrue... and yet people believed it, and voted with this imaginary concequence in mind, because they didn't bother to check up on the facts. If everying in California (and Maine, for that matter) had been honestly informed about what their vote would mean... I have a feeling the results may have been quite a bit different.

Back to the petition: the saddest thing about this is that this petition has been circulating since May 2006, with Bush listed as the instigator up until he left office. Conservatives and liberals alike have been ignorantly circulating these lies for three years now. Sure, many people probably read it, shook their heads, and moved on like I did... but at the same time we know at least 900 people, the people who signed the petition I recieved, believed this was true enough to attach their names to it.
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