AFY_EmilyB
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This article in USA Today isn't ostensibly about comprehensive sex education, but it's sure supporting the cause:
That's when it seems this generation of young people is giving new meaning to the words "long-term relationship." Many are "a couple" for years, and some approach a decade of dating. They're just shy of the altar for so long that parents and grandparents are a bit bewildered.
"It's good to get to know your partner before marrying, but one wonders how long you need," says sociologist Andrew Cherlin, 61, of Johns Hopkins University.
...The world has changed so drastically that experts say today's young adults have a lot to ponder, much more than decades ago. More education has meant delayed financial independence, which is a major reason young adults say they aren't making their relationships official.
- Dating for a decade? Young adults aren't rushing marriage, USA Today
There is also a helpful infographic reminding us that the median age of first marriage for men is 28, and women, 26. The median age of first sex in the U.S. is 17. And ninety percent of people have sex before they are married.
So we're looking at around decade of sexual activity before marriage.
Like, come on, National Abstinence Education Association, wake up: it's not WORKING. Young people are in serious, intimate relationships for years. Understanding sexuality and negotiating sexual activity and protection are definitely a part of those relationships. Young people deserve to be prepared to face questions like "How can I talk about and assert what I want and don't want with my partner? When is it the right time for us to [whatever]? What is the best way to keep myself from getting pregnant or sick?"
Depriving young people of those tools doesn't prepare them for their young adulthood. It just creates murkiness and denial around something they should be approaching with thoughtfulness, care, and the mutual happiness borne of meaningful consent.
My fiance and I (okay, we're both wayyy younger than these first age of marriage statistics) recently decided to postpone our wedding plans until we've finished our education. I wasn't ready to give up on my plans for graduate school and work in order to move to where he is getting his PhD in the UK, because there were no education or job opportunities for me there, and spending 22-24 without a job or furthering my schooling feels like a waste of time.
I would grow to resent him for the opportunities I would lose and for being second-fiddle to his education when I don't have anything more important, and that would do a lot more damage than time apart in order for us to grow up and be the people we want to be together.
We're both confident in the strength of our commitments to each other and three more years apart (with really, never more than 4 months at a time apart between visits) is just going to prove that strength, or at worst prove we aren't ready for each other. , I'm not afraid of years of dating before marriage, I am afraid of "rushing into things". My parents met and married within 6 weeks, and they divorced before I turned 3 (my youngest brother at the time was not even 1).
But you're right, it's one thing to expect folks to stay abstinent through high school graduation (which for me was 16), and another to expect me to be abstinent until marriage that grows farther and farther away. It's a war on information, with youth as the victims of a purity-strike. I fail to see how equipping me to be a healthy and responsible member of society, sexuality included, is threatening to anyone else. I am not even a person who would benefit most from medically accurate sexual education (although healthy relationships, absolutely!) as I still have a bit of conservative Christian upbringing in me and don't think I could cohabitate with a romantic partner before marriage. But my knowledge of condoms and birth control methods hasn't changed my values. While I couldn't imagine sharing an apartment, I also couldn't imagine a relationship based on nothing more than 3-second kisses because my fiance won't want to marry me after 5 years because I'm "used up" and "didn't save myself for our wedding night".
** for clarification, I have absolutely nothing against cohabitating couples, and for a lot of folks I think it's the best option and an option they get to make for themselves. The consequences (family, church, and ugly internalized guilt) of cohabitation for me aren't worth it.
In the context of premarital sex, I loved your blog post! It's is time for society to realize that youth arent just running around rampant having sex based on hormones, but a lot of youth are basing their decisions off emotion as well. Everyone from high school age to young adults are making their decisions on sex based on the partner they are with and what they truly want out of their relationship. Thus, teaching young people to communicate about sexuality and their decisions is the first step to curbing STI rates and teen pregnancy rates. Negotiating sex , talking about protection, talking about getting tested, deciding whether the timing and the person are right, getting out of a relationship if you feel pressured are all aspects of sex education that we need to start talking about instead of communicating just dont do it...because that has been so effective!