AFY_EmilyB
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Here's a great link I got from Jaclyn Friedman, who for newbies is the author of Yes Means Yes and of the Amplify column of the same name:
Groping, Sexual Assault Policies and the Hypersexualization of College Students
by Amanda Hess, Washington City Paper
Hess comments on dismissive attitudes towards Duke's new sexual assault policy, and the way in which we hypersexualize young college women and therefore tolerate sexual assault.
Duke's sexual misconduct policy
I'm with Hess here. I see nothing unreasonable about the policy. I would say I see nothing remarkable, but we all know it is somehow remarkable when young a women's right to bodily integrity is codified.
I am old enough to remember how much national ridicule Antioch College's sexual offense policy met with in 1993. Late night hosts mocked and newspaper columnists (including the one I just linked to above!) marveled at such OUTRAGEOUS requirements as "Verbal consent should be obtained with each new level of physical and/or sexual conduct in any given interaction regardless of who initiates it," describing it as laughable, impossible, the height of politically correct mumbo-jumbo.
And yet what was Antioch asking of its students other than "make sure both parties have consented to sexual activity"? And what is Duke asking now other than the same thing?
I was mad about media reaction then and am still mad about it 18 years later. And yet the Duke story tells me that nothing has changed. Still critics claim the policy bows to "political correctness" and puts absurd restrictions on regular ol'making out.
But, the thing is, it doesn't. Asking before you grope somebody: it's not such a hard CONCEPT. I don't see a downside! Why would anyone put themselves in the position of arguing against it??
I think both young men and young women need more, far more, training in the meaning of "consent." I'm not even sure consent is strong enough a word at this point. Both parties should want the groping (or whatever) that's happening. Not tolerate, not allow: want. Or it shouldn't happen. That's not difficult or even mildly confusing. Pretending it is is gross!
FYI, here are some examples from the Duke website:
The decision to be sexual with someone should be made because you want to, not because you guess it would be alright. Which leads to the other thing I don't get- wouldn't you rather have sex with someone who says "I want this!' instead of someone who says, "Oh, I don't know. I guessthat would be fine."? Why wouldn't you want someone who was excited about having sex with you?
We need to be talking more about enthusiastic consent.
I know I basically repeated what you already said, but you're so right. I hope more people write about this issue here on Amplify!!